


Amore Mio

by Daerwyn



Series: Grounding a Hero [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Ministry interference, Self-Loathing, Suicide contemplation, marriage law, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 01:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daerwyn/pseuds/Daerwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavender has only been a partial werewolf for three months, but already she feels the pressure from society. Returning to Hogwarts to finish her seventh year properly, Lavender wants makes the best out of it as she possibly can. When the Ministry decides to interfere, instating an experimental marriage law upon the fourteen "eighth years," Lavender and Blaise dread taking a step on in their lives, and leaving those from the war behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They were staring at her. She could see it. In the darkness, she could feel their disapproving gazes shunning her, shielding their children from her presence, whispering about her in their private conversations. She huddled closer to the edges of the Shrieking Shack, the thin blanket she used for warmth in the windy Scottish Highlands doing little.

Her once beautiful, honey brown curls were now a frizzy mess, tangled from weeks of neglect. Her watchful hazel eyes stared through the cracks of the window panes and down to the bustling village below. Hogsmeade had been full of business lately. With the reconstruction of Hogwarts, and the building of housing down the hill from her current location, there were frequent construction workers visiting the shops, purchasing meals, material, and lodging. With them came the rumours.

Rumours of what happened after the war, to the students that had gone missing – or avoided contact. Rumours of disease, suicide, stress, fear – something she possessed in full. Her eyes flickered to the letter in her hands, clutched tightly as though it would blow away with the next strong wind gust to make the old home creak. She was asked to return to the nearly restored castle to complete her studies. Lavender Brown knew she had no choice, despite the new Headmistress's kind and sympathetic words. No one would hire a werewolf – Order veteran or not.

A werewolf that had completed her education would have a better chance than any. A werewolf that had worked tirelessly to tame her wolf side – day and night since she was bitten – would at least get some acknowledgement to the monster she had become.

A worker on the housing glanced in the Shack's direction and Lavender stilled, as if the slightest movement would send him running to the village, screaming at someone to put her down. She let out an almost audible sigh of relief when he turned away a moment later. The partial werewolf whimpered as a large gust of wind blew across her irritated skin.

The dust was unbearable to Lavender. Her allergies were wild and she sneezed and scratched more than could possibly had been healthy. She had been given allergy potions by Healer Pomfrey from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.. They had long since run out and she didn't want to return to the castle to request more – she didn't want to be seen by anyone. The only person that she could bother seeing was Aberforth Dumbledore, the barkeep at the Hog's Head. He provided her with a warm meal twice a day. It was more than she could possibly ever return in gratitude. She promised she'd pay him back once she found something. Once she took care of whatever she needed to in order to get better.

She still hadn't.

But she had accepted the position to go back to Hogwarts. She had all her books from the year before, so she didn't need to worry about finding money to purchase what she needed. Slughorn brewed her Wolfsbane, but she had spent more time than she ever thought she could researching ways to cure her disease – her disgrace, her curse.

She carefully stood, making sure she didn't cross in front of the windows, and entered the other room, the living room by the looks of it. Large scratch marks tore into the stitching, making the faded pattern even more difficult to recognize. Lavender had been mending them, with spells she had learned from her mother-

Her mother. She hadn't returned home since the Final Battle. She hadn't spoken to them at all since September first of the year before. They probably thought she was dead, or had run away... they were probably dead. Snape and the Carrows had full access to the records of where she lived – where any Muggle or Muggleborn family had lived. Her mother was a Muggleborn witch, her father a Muggle. An average couple that had lived in Dorset. But they wouldn't want her anymore.

Not when Lavender didn't even want herself.

Her fingers traced her last bit of mending work, the curtain, and watched the dust float around her at the touch. She sneezed and glanced out the window there, getting a better view at what they were building. Semi-detatched housing. Fenced in gardens, two story floors all identical, seven consecutive homes. She hadn't asked what they were for, but she saw the workers finishing up their painting of the garden fence.

School started just the next day. Perhaps they were teacher housing? She couldn't recall ever knowing if the teachers resided in the castle, or outside of it, during the holidays. None of them seemed to have any family – the Headmistress stayed all year round. Lavender could see her in the village, just a few meters beyond the path to the housing, talking to the Healer. Nodding and pointing to the houses with a few glances Lavender's way.

They were talking about her, then. They had to have been. Lavender felt a small stone of worry and fear in her stomach. Did they know she lived here? Had they known all along? She was careful. She apparated as soon as she left the barriers of Hogwarts grounds and landed in the foyer of Shrieking Shack. She was always careful no one saw her in the windows. They couldn't have known. There was no way.

Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey began to approach the housing just then, and Lavender watched in interest as they went inside, the workers obviously finished with whatever they were and heading towards the shops for one final trip.

Well past midnight they stayed, Lavender always watching for their departure. And brilliant glows shined through the glass back doors, but even with her good sight, she couldn't see what they were doing.

It irritated her. Eighth years – as McGonagall had called the returning class – would be permitted to skip the train ride and instead were encouraged to apparate directly to Hogsmeade. There would be a period of time to talk and see just all who had returned. Lavender sincerely hoped that the Patil twins would.

Both had been her friends for years and years through school – through the war. They had stuck together through thick and thin, yet they would find her repulsive if they saw her. She had a thick scar running from her temple to her collarbone, disfiguring her once beautiful smile. She wasn't beautiful anymore. But she'd need to get clean before everyone arrived – three in the evening. She'd have to clean her dress robes, as well.

She wouldn't be sleeping that night. 

* * *

By dawn, Lavender had finished mending the necessities, her Hogwarts uniform clean and smelling as lovely as she could stand it. Her fingers ran over the slightly damp fabric. A drying charm, perhaps, would work. So she cast it carefully, making sure she didn't ruin her clothing in the process, and tried her robes on. They were too big. She had lost a lot of weight in the past few months.

She put in altering charms on her skirt and slipped it on. It fit better, but it was still a little loose. The rest of her robes were decent fitting and hardly an issue. She cleaned up all signs she had been in the Shrieking Shack and concentrated on the dingy pub she frequented twice a day. She apparated with a frail crack that she knew wouldn't carry in the wind.

Aberforth was just opening up his shop when she appeared just outside the door. His withering blue eyes, much like the headmaster that had once presided over the very school in the distance, made her pause, as always, in the cold wind. He wasn't unnecessarily kind like his brother, but rather blunt. Lavender liked that about him.

“All right, lass?”

“Yes,” Lavender admitted quietly. “School starts today, so I think... this will be the last time you see me.”

“Until next summer,” Aberforth grunted, opening the door for her to enter. She did so, smelling the goat, sweat, and grime of his person as she passed. It was one thing she hated about her curse – her senses were extraordinarily intrusive upon personal lives. She could know who a person was just by sniffing them. Aberforth was hardworking.

“Hopefully I'll have something stable by next summer,” Lavender informed him, though they both knew that that wouldn't be the case. No one would hire a werewolf, or a half-werewolf. She was still associated with the word. She had prayed for days after the war had first ended, that Professor Lupin would come back from the dead and teach her how to hide it, how to control herself. But it was something that couldn't be done. No magic could resurrect the dead.

“The usual, then?”

“Whatever you have to spare, sir,” Lavender murmured. “I don't want to intrude.”

He just grunted once more and Lavender watched him dig around in the ice box until he pulled out a few squares of meat that looked a tad old, but Lavender didn't mind. Food was food. His goat, Betsy, came clacking from the back room, its bell jingling. Lavender gave it a hesitant smile, but the goat “Bahhed” at her and stayed as far away as possible. Lavender was used to it. Most animals didn't like her, except for owls and other dogs.

By noon, she was the first to meet in the designated spot in the small, quiet village. Professor Flitwick was standing atop a bench, checking her name off a list with a large purple feathered quill that was almost as long as he was tall.

“Miss Brown, early. What a pleasant change,” Professor Flitwick declared. Lavender just nodded and took a seat on a bench one down from him. He smelled of old books and dust. It was going to make her sneeze.

A group of Slytherins showed up together, next, and then Granger. Granger made a beeline for Lavender, sitting beside the other Gryffindor quietly. Granger smelled of honey and vanilla. It was a nice scent, but there was something else. A hint of something that was so subtle, it was as if it was an old scent that hadn't been washed away. But Lavender knew the girl had washed, she smelled of the honey soap and vanilla lotion. It was a scent Lavender had never smelt before, that she could recall.

“How are you? No one's heard from you in months... Ron's been worried.”

Lavender glanced at the bushy-haired know-it-all in surprise. Worried? She never knew the ginger sidekick had cared so much for her. He had cheated on her with Granger, after all. “Is he?” Lavender asked. “I've been... coping.”

“We all are,” Hermione said after a moment. “Where have you been staying? Owls returned-”

“I've just been tying up some loose ends,” Lavender said, well rehearsed. She had been thinking of what to say since breakfast. It was the best explanation and gave a hint of evasiveness, so they'd drop the subject.

“Oh, how are your parents?”

“Good,” Lavender said quietly. She cleared her throat as a few more cracks sounded and the Patil twins appeared. They beelined towards the semi-werewolf, enveloping the girl in a spice smelling hug.

“Oh! Lavender, we haven't seen you all summer!” Pavarti cried.

“We missed having you around,” Padma insisted. “I have the juiciest gossip. I don't know if you've heard, but apparently Oliver Wood is engaged-”

“To a Muggle! I didn't even know he went into the Muggle world! But she's some Scottish girl, really beautiful, though it's entirely obvious-”

Lavender didn't pay attention. More cracks gained Lavender's attention and she saw Harry Potter land with Ronald Weasley, both laughing and grinning, like it was just another summer. Like it was just another year – another adventure. Lavender couldn't see how. Half their class had died in the war, half of the school's population. She had almost died. Their friends had died too.

“I told you, Ron, Mrs. Weasley gave you the note with your breakfast, it's not my fault you didn't know a garden gnome had snuck into the kitchen and was hidig in the cabinet-”

“He was eating all the food! What did you want me to do? Let him eat my sandwich? No, I got rid of the bugger and he bit me! He was in my house! I wasn't in his... his whatever gnomes live in!” Ron laughed, though, obviously not angry about the miscommunication. Lavender could smell the blood of his unhealed finger and it made her queasy. She immediately held her breath, glancing away from those around her, and focused on other thoughts.

She wondered if this was what men felt like when they were exposed to a racy thought or naked things. But Lavender soon found that thought ridiculous, as she doubted a sex-drive was as powerful as her bloodlust. “Lavender?”

She glanced towards the Patil twins quickly, an apology on her lips, but they looked more concerned than annoyed. “Everything alright?”

“Fine,” Lavender assured. She took a small breath so she had oxygen and glanced at her entwined hands. Her thumbs were twiddling nervously.

“You're not interested in this, are you?” Padma guessed. “Not anymore.”

“I-I don't...” Lavender didn't know how to answer without offending the girls. She was best friends with them... she had been. They were her only friends. “I don't mean to be uninterested. I get distracted easily, now... My senses, you know?”

“Oh, well, in that case,” Pavarti grinned. “So, news is that this Muggle chick, Elodie, is pregnant, right? Well, wrong. We saw her yesterday in London and she's a far cry from pregnant. Couldn't be pregnant unless it was the week before conception. Anyway, so-”

“Do you know anything about any recent activities tomorrow in Hogsmeade?” Lavender interrupted suddenly. “I... I haven't gotten the paper in a while, so I don't know if there will be a lot of people in Hogsmeade or-”

“Barren as always,” Padma groaned, plopping down beside the werewolf, forcing Hermione to move over. “Why do you ask, she-wolf?”

Lavender grimaced at the term, dropping her eyes to her toes, dragging along the dirt, making her just cleaned shoes scuffed up. “I just... was wondering.”

“Full moon, isn't it?” Pavarti ventured to guess. “Well, don't worry. Nothing's happening this year that's freaky. So you'll be fine.”

Lavender sincerely doubted it. There wasn't a year that Potter didn't mess something up. She knew something would happen. If it wasn't hundred foot long snakes, it would be three hundred horned unicorns impaling all the students. Lavender would have loved to see what the Ministry came up for that stint.

“Now, we're just waiting for two more. Mr. Malfoy and... Mr. Zabini.” Both of them were probably together, being best friends. It was something Lavender had known about the two of them. They were very close. More of brothers than best friends.

“They'll be here soon, sir,” Parkinson suddenly spoke. “They were tied up when we left.”

There was a nod of agreement from Millicent Bulstrode. “They won't be much longer.”

Flitwick just nodded and glanced at a golden pocketwatch attached to his waistcoat. Lavender glanced to the twins on either side of her and then back to her foot. “Moon or not, I wanted to know. What events are coming up?”

“Oh, nothing, really. Hogsmeade weekend Saturday – they're trying to get in as many as possible this year, for students to see who they need to. A Halloween thing for the returnees, though I don't see why. I have no intentions of dressing up. I haven't for seven years-”

“It's something to do with the Ministry, I think,” the other twin spoke up. “No idea what though. Everyone was very hush hush about it. But that's just my thought-”

They fell silent as a crack echoed in the otherwise silent village. The blonde and the dark haired Slytherins had arrived. Lavender kept her eyes down as they passed, both of their arms at their sides. She couldn't see their faces, but she could smell salt – tears – on one of them. She wondered why. She didn't know Slytherins could cry.

And there was another scent. That of death. Maybe it was their marks, the Death Eater mark, that carried the scent. She didn't know. She hadn't seen a Death Eater since she was injured in the war. Since she became this monster. She wondered if her scent had changed, but decided it probably hadn't. She would have noticed.

So why did theirs?

But she couldn't decide if they had always smelled like that either. If their scent had never been changed at all, just unnoticed by her lack of smell just months ago. When they passed, they moved to the only empty seats at the Slytherin bench, where the two occupants moved so there was room. She heard their conversation as though it was spoken in her ear.

“Just don't even look at them, mate,” she heard Malfoy muttering. “Once this stupid lecture's over, we'll be in the Common Room-”

“I heard you the first twenty times,” Zabini shot back, his voice hoarse and not as smooth as she remembered hearing it. They had been in various classes together but had never talked face to face. It was unsettling, though.

“Wonderful!” Professor Flitwick's cheery response came. “Now that everyone's all here, let's begin, shall we?” The small professor hopped off the bench and waddled towards the center of the city, turning around abruptly to face them. “If you'll follow me? As returning students, our space this year, despite our losses, is very limited. Truth of the matter is, there isn't any room for you. So, we set to building houses. You'll have a roommate, with whom you'll be forced to live with the entire year.”

Lavender noted how Padma and Pavarti glanced at each other with equally wide grins. That seemed to be something they liked hearing very much.

“The teachers have chosen who your roommate will be based on personality, merit, and skill. Any objections will need to be made directly to the Headmistress before the night is over. After that night, the decision is final.” Lavender didn't like the sound of that. With her luck, she'd be paired with Malfoy, who would constantly degrade her for her blood status, and her species condition. She didn't know if she could handle living with that. In the small group of fourteen, there were only seven girls and seven guys. There'd be at least one co-ed couple. Pavarti and Padma visibly deflated. They were walking towards the housing that Lavender had watched be built during the summer.

It's purpose was clear now, but not the golden light. “Now, let's take a look inside, shall we?” He opened the door to Number 1, Shrieking Shack Way. She could hear... something. She didn't know what it was. Giggling? In the other homes. It was difficult to hear, from the outside, but when she stepped over the threshold, she could definitely hear children next door. Maybe shop keepers owned the places and had families that lived there.

“Now, this is a Muggle lay out-” Professor Flitwick began a well rehearsed speech, guiding them up and down the stairs, through the kitchen, the living room, and the bedrooms. And when he finished, Lavender could feel the foreboding in the room. It was so strong she could almost smell it. That and the much too strong cologne Malfoy was wearing that made her eyes water and her throat slick with the taste of it. She had opted to stay as far from him as possible.

Flitwick clapped his hands suddenly, spinning around to face the students. “Now! Let's get to the fun part, shall we? This is the Head Boy and Girl's home.” Lavender caught Harry Potter and Hannah Abbott glance at each other. “I will announce the pairings and you are to reside in your flat for the remainder of the year. So, this flat is Mr. Potter and Miss Abbott's.”

“Excuse me, Professor,” Ron said, in one of the rare instances he could remember the proper way to address a teacher. “Are we all going to have male/female dorms?” His scent suggested that he felt particularly pleased about this prospect.

“Oh, yes, that exactly,” Professor Flitwick nodded brightly. “We trust you'll be mature students about the matter, however. In Number 2, we have Pavarti Patil and Draco Malfoy.”

Pavarti gave a strangled gasp from beside Lavender. “You're joking! I'm not living with that Death Eater scum!”

“Miss Patil, please let me explain,” Flitwick tried to say calmly, as Malfoy offered no retorting argument. Lavender couldn't remember him ever not rising to the bait. Maybe things had changed and she didn't know about it.

“Yes, please do,” Granger spoke up fiercely. “Does the Ministry have anything to do with this?” The Ministry?

“There's talk they're trying to pull something,” Pavarti spoke up, her voice angrier than before. “So if that's the case, I'm leaving right now-”

“The Ministry has nothing to do with this, Miss Patil, Miss Granger. We are simply placing you together upon personality. We hope to encourage inter-house unity after the war.” His heart rate, however, suggested that the Ministry had something to do with this. He was lying. Lavender tensed, in an effort to defend herself. Wonderful. All she needed was the Ministry down her back. “With the end of the war, many are rushing into getting married and having children as quickly as possible. This is to make sure you understand everything marriage entails and be more... shall I say... cautious.”

“So you pair us with each other instead of letting us decide?” Ron demanded. “I don't see how that will make us realize anything.”

“Yeah, because, I want Lavender,” Seamus input. “But with this interhouse shit, who am I going to get?” Lavender felt warm though, that someone wanted to room with her.

“We'll get to that in a moment,” Flitwick said with a nervous squeak to his voice. “Each pair will have a family set-up. Each couple is asked to raise a child of three, and a child of five, though some couples will have twins of either age. These two children that you raise are magical creations using traits from each pair. They are not real, but they do need to be treated as such. Passing this year depends upon it. You cannot put them up for adoption, nor can you force another couple to care for them. Sleepovers and short stays for family emergencies are allowed. You and your spouse-”

“Married?” Pavarti whispered, growing a tad pale. Lavender felt her stomach clench. She didn't want anyone to marry her. She didn't want to taint anyone.

“It's a fake marriage,” Professor Flitwick stressed, his eyes darting around nervously to the fourteen students that were much larger and stronger than him. “It won't be recognized by the Ministry.” Malfoy let out a breath of relief. His heart was stuttering though in panic. “So, let's make short work of this, then. “Seamus Finnigan and Millicent Bulstrode in Number 3.” The Irish friend of Lavender's glanced at the blonde beauty of Slytherin. Her heart dropped. No one that wanted to room with her, then. “Dean Thomas and Padma Patil in Number 4.” There went her second option. “Blaise Zabini and Lavender brown in Number 5.”

Lavender felt a chill sweep over her. And she closed in on herself. A Death Eater. A Death Eater that would always consider her worthless, dirty, and beneath him. And now she wasn't even worthy of being buried in Wizarding land. An entire year of being partners with him? Of raising children with him? She glanced towards the Death Eater she was to live with and found he hadn't even glanced in her direction. She suppressed a whimper – of fear, self-loathing, and worry.

Neville and Hermione, Ron and Pansy were paired together. “It's Pansy,” Parkinson snapped when Professor Flitwick pronounced her full name instead of the nickname. She suddenly bit her lip and put her head down in a submissive gesture. Flitwick seemed not to notice, nor find her behavior strange. Lavender couldn't figure out why she did that. She had obviously missed something.

“Your homes are unlocked and your keys are on the kitchen countertop. Dinner is to be made each night in your homes. Be in the Great Hall eight sharp for breakfast tomorrow morning, schedules, and more information about your schedule! See you then-” And Flitwick stepped into the fireplace, wooshing away in a flash of green.

“Professor!” Lavender gasped, trying to halt him. She had to beg to not be placed with him. Maybe someone else would switch with her. She couldn't be with him. She couldn't take the comments he'd make. But he was gone and people were already leaving to go to their rooms. Harry and Hannah went nextdoor and retrieved their children from Malfoy and Pavarti's home, and Lavender could feel Zabini approaching.

She took a small breath to control herself. She could do it. He'd only be as blunt as everyone else in the Wizarding World. Maybe it'd toughen her skin. Make it easier for her to walk with her head high... or easier with her head down.

She glanced towards him without meeting his eyes. She was going to say something, but he just turned away and began walking towards the door. Wonderful. She followed him quickly, giving a small nod to Harry as he returned. Families were entering their homes cautiously, and Lavender couldn't blame them. The doors of Number 5 looked dark and foreboding. Zabini made no move towards them.

So she did. Lavender pushed open the door as though it would burn her. It hit the wall from her accidental force and she stepped inside quietly. When she turned to look back at Zabini, she was surprised that he had followed and was inches from her. Too close. She stepped inside quickly and shut the door behind him. She could hear the heartbeats of the girls, beating furiously fast as they did something. They were playing. Outside. Lavender could see them through the doors in the back, a sprinkler on as they jumped through it, swimsuits on. They had a darker version of Lavender's hair, and beautifully caramel skin, a blend between Zabini and her own skin. They were giggling and laughing. They were... everything she dreamed of. Cubs, though the term was still relatively new to her.

“There's a letter,” Zabini spoke as he shifted the keys to the side on the counter. Lavender glanced in his direction, seeing a Hogwarts sealed envelope in his hand. He ripped it open and read it quickly. “They're named Elisabette Teresa and Rosalind Violette. Any significance of the names to you?”

“My mother's name is Rose,” Lavender answered. “We're named after flowers in my family.” She hesitated before asking. “And you?”

“Elisabette is my mother.” She nodded, but he continued. “They're both five years old. Identical twins. So, I'd say that means we can't tell them apart. And their birthday is November fifth.”

“Remember, remember, the fifth of November,” Lavender murmured to herself.

“What?”

“Oh, it's nothing,” Lavender said, flushing as she realized he heard. “It's stupid, really.” She moved towards the back door before he could press and she summoned a few towels from the half bath downstairs. When the kids saw her, they squealed and ran smack against the glass door, giggling like idiots as they tried to draw things with the water against it. But the squeaking noise was horrible on Lavender's ears.

She opened the door quickly and the girls giggled, turning the hose towards Lavender to get her wet. She grimaced as it touched her uniform, making it wet, but plastered a smile on her face. “Come on, dry up.”

“But, Mummmmmm,” they whined.

“It's going to be getting dark soon. Let's do something else.” But in all honesty she didn't want them outside. They were too exposed outside. She ushered them inside, coating them each with a towel, before she allowed them inside. They seemed happy to see Zabini, more so than Lavender, and giggled as they latched onto his arms, tugging him towards the back.

“Play with us, please? Mummy won't let us play outside unless you're out there too, please?”

“How about something less Mediteranean Sea?” Zabini asked, his posture stiff. The girls groaned, begging once more. “Like... painting.” He grabbed a box suddenly, labeled paints, that was sitting in a colored shelf along the wall. The girls squealed at this and he left them to it, in search of paper. Lavender sighed as she went outside, shutting off the sprinkler and getting herself even more wet in the process. And then she moved upstairs to her bedroom, where she spotted her trunk that had been taken care of by the elves, and changed into a dry pair of clothes – jeans and a sweater that was patched up.

“I found paper, Daddy!” one of the girls shouted. There were footsteps as Blaise approached the girls and then Lavender shut her trunk, grabbing a few school books, before she went back downstairs. She needed as much study time as she could get.

They asked if she wanted to join, but Lavender declined and sat at the counter, opening her Charms textbook. It was her worst subject besides Potions. Things would have to change. She would have to change.


	2. Chapter 2

She recalled Flitwick stating that no food would be provided for them for dinner. They'd have to make do with the completely stocked pantry. She knew nothing of how to cook and she listened to Zabini in the bathroom washing his hands from the paint. Hurriedly, she flicked through the cabinets, trying to find a cookbook – anything. She had never learned. What little she saw of her mother was during the summer, and she had never been taught to cook any meal except for simple sandwiches and a very runny soup.

“Mum, what are you making?”

Lavender had no idea. She closed the last cabinet and turned to face one of her twin girls. Elisabette or Rose? She had no idea. She'd have to learn their differences. “What...?” Her voice faltered and she cleared it, speaking clearer. “What would you like?”

Her gaze dropped to the child, so much like her. Curly brown hair that had tints of honey in it in the sunlight. Her eyes were like Blaise's however. Dark brown, but rich in intuition and untouched knowledge. She would be smart, like him. Both of the girls would be. They didn't seem to take much care into gossip like Lavender once had. Lavender found herself almost envious of it. They were beautiful.

“I want....” She scrunched up her nose as she thought, as though it was the greatest decision she would ever have to make. “Spaghetti!”

Lavender didn't know how to make spaghetti, not in the slightest. And Blaise was Italian, so there would certainly be an issue if she didn't make it right. “Um...” Lavender bit her lip and glanced at the stove. “Do you know how to make it... so you can help Mummy?”

The child giggled. “Of course, silly! Daddy taught us all together, remember?” 

“Oh, of course, but I'd really love some help,” Lavender told the girl. She hesitated before she held out her hand to the girl, leading her through the kitchen and to the pantry. “Get everything we'll need, alright? I'll get the pot-” She knew there had to be a pot for the spaghetti.

“And don't forget the frying pan!” the girl giggled. Right, frying pan. Lavender clamoured around in her quest to find exactly what the young girl had dictated. 

“Do you need help?” Zabini's voice sounded suddenly. Lavender tensed as she twirled around to face him, surprised, but more shocked she hadn't heard him approach. “Sorry-”

“No-no, I-” Lavender let out a breath and switched on the sink to fill up the pot with water. “I'm making... spaghetti, if that's alright... I should be fine. She said she'd help.” Lavender glanced at Rose or Elisabetta who was trying to balance the items she selected from the pantry. They were teetering precariously as she tried to pile more into her arms. Lavender set the pot on the stovetop and rushed to her … daughter's side. “Careful,” Lavender said under her breath and she selected the package of noodles and the package of meat. Meat? What would she use meat for? She could smell the rawness of it and she set it on the counter with shakey hands, letting out a breath. 

“Are you okay?” Zabini's voice asked. He didn't sound concerned, more unsure of what to say. Awkward, almost.

“F-fine,” Lavender answered. She'd need to cook the meat first. She couldn't be around such raw meat, especially since she was weak. She hadn't gotten a decent nights sleep since she had been attacked, and the scent – it was driving her wild.

“Sure?”

She just nodded, her hands already slipping under the warm water as she washed them. The daughter at her feet rushed to the fridge to get a glass bottle filled with red sauce. Spaghetti sauce. Okay, she could do this. It was simple. Cook the noodles, the meat, and the sauce. “Meatballs... do-” She cleared her throat as he raised an eyebrow, like he was mocking her. She dropped her gaze to the stove. “Do you have meatballs?”

“Yes.” She nodded once and took to opening the package of meat. It smelled even better out of the packaging. She pressed her hands to the counter as she tried to control her breathing. She could do this. Self-control. Lavender had it, she just needed to find it. “I can make them. My grandmother has a special recipe.”

“Al-Alright,” Lavender said uneasily. She stepped away from the meat quickly, her breath still uneven. “The-the meat is difficult for me.” She glanced away from him as he took the large package of ground beef in his hands. “I'm sorry.”

“Can't help what you are.”

What she was. She was a monster. A monster that would kill people if she didn't take her potion. True she wasn't a fullblooded werewolf – as Greyback wasn't fully changed when he had bitten her – but she was just as close. She didn't transform, but went into dangerous bloodlust on the full moon, and she could only eat rare or raw meats, otherwise she couldn't digest it, and she had heightened senses – such as hearing, touch, smell, sight, and taste. 

“How many meatballs?” he questioned as she filled a pan with water.

She glanced at him before shaking her head. “I-I can't have-” She hurriedly busied herself with lighting the stove. “I can't have meat that is cooked... It-it has to be raw... or really rare.”

“Oh, well I can make sort of cooked meatballs for you,” he offered awkwardly.

She shook her head again, whispering quietly, “No, thank you.”

A freak. Forced to be in the same home together for nine months and already she was disgusting him. It was so unlike the life she had before that it made her throat ache with the urge to cry. She kept her eyes on the pot of water, waiting for it to boil. It distracted her from the tears that were gathering in her eyes. 

They didn't know each other. They had never spoken in school... She was Mudblood Brown to him, the dirtiest shade of brown mud could get... That had been her insult when Malfoy was still the prince of the school. Now, Malfoy had changed, but she didn't know Zabini at all to know if he had changed.

“I don't know what you like to eat.” He glanced at her sharply. She didn't look away. “For future dinner. I... I don't cook very well, but maybe if I knew what you liked, I could … find a cook book and work on it-” Studying. She was volunteering to study. She didn't even know if she knew how to study. 

“Yeah, sure,” he responded, cutting her off. She didn't know if that meant he approved or not, if he was going to tell her or not, so she just nodded to acknowledge she had heard and listened to the sounds of the girls as they played in the living room. The one daughter that had volunteered to help had disappeared already.

Dinner, once it finished, was a silent affair. She picked off the flakes of meat on her plate that had appeared in the sauce, pushing them aside as she struggled to stomach the smell of it. Just the scent of cook meat made her feel sick. It smelt wrong. Almost as though someone had left it out to spoil. Unnatural. 

She hadn't had a meal with no meat after her attack, so to eat a vegetarian meal – in this sense – was something she didn't know how she'd handle. Perhaps while everyone was asleep, she would be able to find something she could eat to supplement the nutrients she was foregoing to maintain a level of civility.

She took the plates from all of them when they finished, Zabini opening his mouth to say something, but stopping when Lavender had already walked towards the sink, dropping them inside and washing them by hand. An image of her mother doing the same thing entered her mind, and she blinked it away. She couldn't think of her family. They didn't want a monster like her, if they were alive. They wouldn't think of her the same.

“Can we stay up for just a half hour longer?” one of the twins begged, her voice louder than the water in the faucet.

“Please?” the other added, as if it carried weight.

“Bed time,” Zabini insisted, his chair scraping back as he stood. “Come on.” She heard them groan as she finished two plates and place it in a drying rack. As she grabbed the third, arms wrapped around her legs. 

“Night, Mummy!”

She dried off her hands and ran a hand through the girl's hair. She still didn't know the difference between them. “Goodnight,” Lavender said quietly. Another girl did the same and Lavender watched as they led Zabini upstairs to be put to bed. By the time dishes were finished, he was back downstairs, pushing in the chairs the girls hadn't.

“So, what now?”

She shrugged lightly, tightly knotting the rag on the faucet to dry. She wiped her wet hands along her uniform, drying them immediately. A quick glanced towards the Italian showed that he was watching her, apprehensively. He smelt strongly of death and salt. He had been the one crying earlier that day. She didn't know why he was crying, but she wanted to ask. But she couldn't. “I don't know,” she admitted aloud.

“Do you work a lot during the summers?” She shook her head quietly. “What do you do, then?” She just shrugged. She didn't do anything. “Right. What do you want to do for a career?”

She didn't know that either. “I see things, so maybe I could use that,” Lavender said after a moment. “I don't know what else I can do. My marks aren't good, my social status isn't good. I can't do much.” She gave a self-depreciating snort. “What about you?”

“No hires a Death Eater.”

She nodded simply, understanding without understanding. No hired her kind either. “I'm going to get my pyjamas on.”

“I'll take the couch,” Lavender said quietly as she dug for her pyjamas out of the trunk, careful to make sure he couldn't see inside. She hadn't mended all of them, yet. He had followed her, she could hear him. She pulled out the one pair she had worked on and shut it swiftly, placing a locking charm on it as she turned to the dark skinned Italian that was her “children's father” – for the class. Not in real life. She'd never have anyone close to that in real life.

“No,” Zabini said, surprised. “I'll take it. You take the bed-”

“I can't sleep in a bed,” Lavender lied. He probably had never slept on a couch in his life. She didn't want him angry with her – her father was always grumpy when he had slept on the couch. She wanted them to be civil – in the very least. That was all she wanted.

“Are you sure? I can-”

“Please,” Lavender muttered, her eyes dropping to the clothes gathered in her arms. Atrociously red. Her Gryffindor silk pyjamas. Blaise didn't seem to care when he glanced at them. His heart beat never changed. Slow and confident beats that told her he was calm and in control of himself. It was a comforting sound to Lavender. At least someone had control. “I probably won't sleep anyway, and I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable if I don't even sleep in the bed.” 

“I can stay up with you, if you want. We all have nightmares of the war-”

“No,” Lavender said quickly. She swallowed back the tears of shame in her eyes. “I'll be fine. I'll check on the girls to make sure they're... they're asleep.” She already knew they were. She could hear their even breathing and their steady heartbeats. They were fine – safe – beautiful. They had, essentially, a werewolf for a mother. It was enough to ruin their life. They had to have some traits.... she had to have passed something to them. 

She moved past him, though, him letting her go into the hall. “Brown?” The girl in question turned, but her eyes didn't lift from the clothes in her arms. “If you need anything.... you can ask.”

She swallowed, nodding carefully. “I'm fine,” she insisted, though she knew she was far from it. She was a mess. She had no idea where to start after school. She'd have to ask Granger if the bookwork could tutor her in her classes. She needed to get Os.... She had to get Os. If she could get Os on anything, she had to get them. And Granger was the master of getting Os. 

“I'm not saying now, but... ever. Nightmare, something with the moon, the girls-”

“I'll be fine,” Lavender repeated quietly. She heard him hesitate and then his footsteps sounded, towards the bed, but he didn't close the door. And then he returned, just as she suspected, and passed her two pillows and a blanket.

“If you do sleep,” he said before heading for the door. He left it open, but she heard him shuffle in his trunk. Taking the stairs slowly and quietly, she stopped in the foyer and checked the door, locking it twice and checking the handle, before she moved towards the living room, placing both the pillows and the blanket on the couch before she moved to the garden door. It was difficult to see out, but once her eyes adjusted, her werewolf vision allowed her to see every detail. 

There was a small jungle gym for the girls in the shape of a castle, and a Muggle sprinkler was attached to a hose running from the house. It was off, and she could see a small hole in it. She'd need to patch that. But she never went outside at night. She was still paranoid from the war. She could hear, a few houses down, the sounds of coupling, and grimaced slightly. 

Before anything had happened last year, she would have giggled and gossiped with Padma and Pavarti. Now... now she tried to tune it out and sat down silently, staring at the wall across from her. Seven hours until daylight, and then she had to prepare for the moon. She had to figure out how to take care of children when she couldn't even take care of herself. 

Her eyes drifted down from the spot where there were pictures upon pictures of the children, until she spotted a familiar looking box. A television.

She summoned the remote with her wand, almost certain there wasn't one, but it appeared a second later and she pressed the power button, immediately followed by the mute button. It was a good distraction, well into the night, and she even found herself laying down on the couch. But despite how tired she was from three days of no sleep, she couldn't sleep at all. 

All she could think of, no matter what news station predicted the weather she knew was wrong, was the man in the bedroom, and the two girls she would no doubt become attached to by the time they disappeared. They even smelt … they smelt like a pack. They were her pack – her family. And a wolf couldn't leave her pack behind.


	3. Chapter 3

By sunrise, she journeyed to the backyard, her wand tapping the edge of the hose where the hole was, mending it quickly. Footsteps were approaching behind her, but she recognized the scent. They weren't a threat, as far as she was aware, and the man was going through normal beating and breathing patterns.

“May I help you?” Lavender asked quietly. 

Zabini didn't seem disturbed when she glanced back to face him. She was still in her clothes from the night before, and he obviously noted that. “Sleep at all?”

She shrugged by way of answer and glanced back towards the garden, the playset catching her eye. “The girls are still sleeping. What do you need?”

“I'm always up at dawn. Tea or coffee?”

“I'm fine-”

“Tea, it is,” Zabini said stiffly and turned away from her, heading towards the kitchen. After a moment of staring at the pink castle, she followed him. She didn't enter the kitchen, however, and instead watched him from a small bar. Her hands were clasped in front of her and she stared at him in … shock. No man she knew of ever entered the kitchen. Her father worked her mother through in food requests, never letting her do anything but clean, cook, or … service. And this... was surprising.

“I'm not... a Death Eater, you know,” Blaise said casually as he filled a kettle and placed it on the Muggle stove. He even cooked the Muggle way? “I never wanted to be. My mother... she was very fond of the Dark Lord's ideas, and when I was little, I was fond of her, so I started to believe what she said.”

Lavender said nothing, just watched as he turned to face her, leaning against the counter. He was in an obviously expensive pair of clothing, his dark skin contrasting against the white top. She glanced away as he caught her looking, her cheeks burning. She couldn't look. She shouldn't. “You think I think you're a Death Eater? And that's why I'm not like who I was around you?”

She saw him shrug out of her peripheral vision. “Isn't that why?” 

She shook her head quietly and glanced towards the stairs when her hearing picked up the sounds of the girl's hearts beating faster than their sleep pattern. They were waking. “I should get the girls. They just woke up.”

“You can hear them?” Zabini asked, almost carefully like they were in unwelcome territory. Maybe they were.... Lavender didn't know what she was comfortable with.

“I can hear the entire building's activities. Ron and Parkinson are very -” She stopped and shook her head. “It's not my business. I can't help it.”

“I know you can't,” Blaise said and she couldn't tell if it was accusatory or sympathetic. She didn't like either option and therefore decided to leave without comment. Elisabette and Rose were just waking when she gently opened the door. They gave their 'Mum' a groggy, but bright smile and Lavender dug around in the wardrobe for a pair of clothes for the both of them. 

They changed as though they were used to this routine and fought to get to the bathroom first to brush their teeth. 

Lavender grabbed a pair of clothes for the day, herself, and took a warm, long shower that she knew was a luxury. It had been months since she had a shower like this. Maybe even before the last school year, the year she sought refuge in the Room of Requirements being full of cleansing charms and food brought by the elves. 

When she exited the glass enclosed space, she wrapped a towel around her body and ran a hand across the mirror, getting rid of the accumulated steam on the surface. The first thing she noticed was the haggard scar along the edge of her face, bright pink and ugly against her once unmarred skin. And then it was the dark circles under her eyes now that her make-up had worn off. Over the summer, she had done what she could to conserve the little make-up she had left. She had no money to purchase anymore. 

So she hadn't worn any for months. She hadn't needed to. When she met Minerva in the beginning of the year, she would make sure she looked as well as she could. But gazing into the small bag that contained her make-up, she was dangerously low. There was no way it would last a year of school. 

She wiped at the mirror once more, before she began to cover up the signs of no sleep and stress. But once she finished, all of her foundation was gone and everything else would be gone in a few days as well. She bit her lip as she stared at herself in the mirror.

A light knock sounded on the other end. “We need to leave in ten minutes.”

She opened the door, clutching the towel tightly around her body. She saw his eyes dart to the counter, before looking at her face. He politely diverted them from her scar. “Do you need to use it?” Lavender asked. “I can go to the other bathroom-”

“No, I just wanted to-” He shrugged, interrupting himself. “The girls thought you were going to be late.”

“Oh,” Lavender said quietly. She nodded, glancing at her towel, shifting self-consciously. “Thanks. I'll be ready in five minutes.”

“No tea?”

“No tea,” Lavender confirmed. “It's too strong...” She cleared her throat. 

“Elisabette and Rose can sit with me in the Great Hall,” Zabini said after a moment of watching her. It was only a few seconds, but Lavender was ready to shut the door. “You look like you could use a break.”

“I'm fine,” Lavender pitifully argued.

“I insist,” he said as though she hadn't stated her well being. “About the moon, Brown... It's tonight, isn't it?”

“I won't stay here,” Lavender rushed out. “I'd never do that. I don't want anyone in danger. I don't want to hurt anyone. I really don't. I go to the Shrieking Shack, I take Wolfsbane, I chain myself up. I don't get loose.” He stepped back at the urgency in her tone. “I don't. I haven't yet. I'm perfectly safe, but... but Madame Pomfrey says that I could develop more traits and... I don't want to hurt anyone just in case.” She dropped her gaze, calming her heart. It needed to be calm for the moon. She let out a slow breath. “I don't want to hurt anyone.”

“I was just going to ask where you go, that's all,” Zabini said after a moment. “I didn't mean to insinuate...” He cleared his throat, uncomfortable. She always made things uncomfortable. “I don't know what symptoms you have, so it's good to know.”

“I'm not a full werewolf,” she promised him. “Greyback didn't bite me on a full moon. I... I'm like Bill Weasley. We've been writing and he's been helping me on a few things. We don't have the need to turn into a wolf... It's just traits of a wolf. I... I grow protective a lot. Elisabette and Rose, I recognize as apart of my pack. 

“And if … if they're in danger, I don't want to hurt anyone. I've been so worried about that. I have temper issues, but I'm learning to control it. And the bloodlust – it's triggered by the meat. I have to eat meat, but... but if I just smell it, I can't control my thoughts and … I have to get away from it.” She bit her lip as she paused. “I just want you to know who you're living with, now. Days before the moon, it's difficult for me to sleep. I get restless. I get sensitive to smells, and light and things like that. I have to be careful around things like that. I can get really sick, too. Certain smells make me sick, like cooked meat. I can... tolerate it, though, so it's alright.” She didn't know for how much longer, though. But she didn't want them to feel uncomfortable with their food. 

“Anything else?” he asked.

She stared at their feet, a meter apart from each other, and yet she could still smell the death and salt on him. “I don't know... I've never lived with someone before... Or had to take care of children.”

“Where did you stay during the summer?”

She glanced at him in surprise. “Home.”

He nodded once. He glanced towards the mirror in the bathroom, taking in the make up a second. “Are you going home tonight?” She had no idea how he could make such a connection. She should have lied, told him that she didn't want to endanger her parents like that. But she didn't. She just nodded once and he nodded in return. “I'll leave you to whatever it is you do, then. We'll see each other at the castle.” He didn't even want to be seen with her at the castle. Lavender nodded immediately, catching her breath as she turned away from him. 

“Yeah, at the castle.”

He nodded once and she shut the door, letting the towel drop and swallowed back the tears that threatened to escape. She didn't care what he thought, but what he thought meant most of the others thought the same thing. 

She dressed quickly into her robes, the skirt needing a few more alterations. She then began to clean up all her things, putting them in the small bag and then sliding the bag into an empty drawer under the sink. She would move it if Zabini needed the space.

As she opened the bathroom door, she scooped up her towel, hearing the sounds of Zabini leaving, the girls cheerfully chatting with him in Italian. She couldn't understand what they were saying, but Zabini answered back in the same language. 

She took her time in gathering her bag from her trunk, filling it with any books she may need, some parchment, and a quill with ink. Her old things she had purchased for last year, but never used. She was grateful that the same things were required.

She walked down the stairs, her shoes buckled, and spotted a small note on the counter. Zabini's elegant scrawl scribed that she was to keep this key, as he had the other. She tucked it into her bag after she locked the doors, and set out for the castle. Entering the actual grounds was a nightmare in itself. She would blink and see the bodies gathered between piles of rubble, giants and centaurs battling against one another. And the friends of friends falling and giving strangled cries as their life left them. 

The smell of death was no longer heavy in the air, but the salt of tears was. Even though the castle had long since been rebuilt, it was still supported by little cracks in the rocks, that Lavender doubted any of the others could see. 

She crossed the place she had been bitten, scurrying quickly past as she could still smell the blood and dirt of the moment. It haunted her whenever she looked at the castle. 

The Great Hall was a flurry of scents and light. She sneezed at the doors and took a few deep breaths to try to accustom herself to the smells, before she entered. No one made any notice of her arrival, chatting to their friends. Many children were sitting around her fellow Gryffindors, all representing their parents. She sat carefully beside Seamus, who nodded to her in acknowledgement.

“All right there, Lav?”

She smiled shyly at the nickname. “All right. You?”

“Right and dandy.” Seamus winked at her and she glanced away, towards the plate in front of her. The food was more than she had seen in months. She could catch up on a lot of missed meals, not having to worry about paying anything back. And Aberforth, she had no idea if she'd ever have a chance of paying him back. She needed to find a job first. Maybe with Madame Rosmerta? “I'm going to get the kids from Millicent. See you in a minute.”

Lavender only nodded, watching him as he walked off to the Slytherin table. She could see Elisabette and Rose giggling loudly at something Millicent Bulstrode was saying to them. Zabini should have been paired with her. She was beautiful, now. She had outgrown whatever phase she was in in the early years of Hogwarts, a bright smile that made her glow. She had Elisabette in her lap, as though they were a family.

Lavender quelled her wolf as it bristled at seeing a different female touching her children, insisting that they were in good hands. Afterall, they would have no doubt been uncomfortable, instead of laughing. 

When Seamus approached, Lavender watched as Millicent's face turned guarded and wary, her gaze dropping to the two children that sat between her and Zabini – which had to have been Seamus's kids. 

“Can I introduce them to my friends, Bulstrode?” Seamus asked with an easy grin. He truly was a nice guy, always interested in the best of someone. She tried not to listen to their conversation, but she was already latched onto it. She glanced to her plate again, waiting for the breakfast food to appear for her to start eating. Her stomach growled with hunger.

“Of course,” Millicent answered. There was shifting and she heard the two children of his moving.

“Right, there's Hermione and Neville!” Ron said suddenly. Lavender glanced towards the doorways of the Great Hall, seeing two rather embarrassed. Lavender wondered why. She couldn't smell anything particularly odd about them as they sat down, two children climbing around them. 

“Here comes the lucky couple,” Dean said good-naturedly. Hermione seemed a tad self-conscious as she glanced at her son, sitting beside Harry's daughter. He winked at the two of them, before the Gryffindor glanced at Neville.

“Lucky couple?” Hermione inquired, unsure of just how they were lucky. Lavender couldn't blame her. None of them seemed to be too lucky. She couldn't recall a moment besides first year where her and Neville were friends.

“Yeah, you two are the only Gryffindor match,” Ron said through a mouthful of pancakes. Lavender grimaced slightly, reaching for her own bit of food. It had only just appeared. How could he be halfway through his meal already?

“Dean, you and Padma are partners. She's as Gryffindor as Pavarti-”

“She's such a coward,” Pavarti interrupted, shaking her head. “Honestly, not a Gryffindor at all.” Lavender felt a smile creep up onto her face. Of course she was. Padma was the only Patil twin that would be nervous about approaching a guy. Pavarti was very confident in that regard. Padma had taken weeks of coaxing just to walk past Harry and say hello in fourth year, hoping for a Yule Ball invite.

“So, who are the little ones?” Neville asked suddenly, glancing at the various children. 

“This is Lily,” Harry introduced. “Three.” The little girl was strawberry blonde, like Hannah Abbott, and bright green eyes like Harry. Lavender had seen pictures of Lily Evans in the papers, especially after Professor Snape's death. She was a spitting image of her. “Hannah has James over at the Hufflepuff table. He's five.” Lavender glanced towards the Hufflepuffs and spotted the dark haired boy.

“Always knew you'd name your kids after them, mate,” Ron chortled through a mouthful of even more breakfast. “Pansy's got Hugo and Fred. Both five years old. Both unbearable.”

“Ron!” Hermione scolded, wiping a few crumbs from the edge of her plate discreetly. “They're your children!” Ron only shrugged in response, obviously not caring.

“This is Delilah,” Pavarti spoke up quickly, sensing an argument brewing. “She's three. Say hello?” The raven-haired girl looked a lot like her mother, but her eyes were white gray like Malfoy's. 

“Hello,” she said quietly, blushing brightly in embarrassment as she noticed all the attention on her. All the voices were so loud. Lavender winced slightly as a few seventh years beside her, that were previously a year younger, laughed loudly at something.

“It's raw!” she heard them whispering. “It's bleeding on her plate. Freak.” Oh, her food. Lavender glanced at it as she cut her fork into it, seeing a small amount of red ooze out. She felt her throat clench in the need to release tears, but pushed it away. She had to ignore them. 

“And Malfoy insisted upon Scorpius. Looks exactly like him, it's creepy. He's five.” Pavarti shuddered, drawing her attention once more. “Malfoy wants to make him a mini Malfoy. Ugh, he better not.”

“Oi!” Dean asked suddenly. “Did you sleep in the same bed as Malfoy?”

“Absolutely not!” Pavarti cried. Lavender winced yet again. “I made him sleep on the floor. He complained about it the whole time, too. I woke up, he was gone, Scorpius with him. Left me and Delilah to get ready ourselves.”

Seamus appeared suddenly, sitting beside Lavender once more, a small girl with sandy colored hair grinning shyly at Hermione and Neville's boy. “This is Erin,” he announced, ruffling the girls hair. Erin giggled and half-heartedly smacked his hand away. “Connor should be around here somewhere.” 

Lavender could hear him approaching, and he suddenly appeared beside her, crawling from under the table. He uttered a loud, “Hi!” exposing a tooth-gaped grin. 

Dean gestured towards the Hufflepuff table. “Pad and I have Kamala and Kesler. Five year old twins. She has 'em.” Lavender followed his hand to two children beside Hannah Abbott, dark skinned Indian children, each looking so much like Padma that Lavender struggled to see hints of Dean. 

“This is Alice,” Hermione introduced, running a hand down her daughter's hair. “She's five. Oliver, he's three.” Both children were darling and seemed to adore their parents. Lavender didn't know if that was the case with her own children. They seemed to like Blaise Zabini a lot more than her.

“Elisabette and Rose,” Lavender murmured. They heard her as they glanced towards her. “Both are five. They're sitting with Zabini.” She hesitated before continuing. “His insistence.”

Lavender heard them continue their own conversation, and she didn't wish to include herself. A throat clearing at the front of the room alerted them to the end of breakfast. “First through seventh years are to head to class, now. Eighth years, I ask that you please remain where you. We have much to discuss,” Headmistress McGonagall spoke.

Lavender heard the speculation as they began to notice the young children that adorned the house tables. Lavender kept her gaze on her plate, finishing up the last of her breakfast, and quelling her hungry stomach. It was more food than she had in a long time. And the raw sausage specifically set out for her was delicious. 

“Today, Miss Weasley,” McGonnagall snapped suddenly. The hall doors shut with a loud bang as the Headmistress walked between the two tables. She gestured for all the years to gather closer and Slytherin reluctantly moved to the Hufflepuff table. Lavender had no idea what this was about. If she wished to have an indepth discussion on their years, all the Headmistress had to do was do so. Lavender couldn't find the importance of class schedules that required secrecy.

But a bad feeling was in Lavender's stomach. And where there was a bad feeling, it usually was right.


	4. Marriage

Lavender's fingers almost felt numb as she clenched her hands together tightly, intent - fully intent - on ensuring that she didn't get angry. Or get sick. She wasn't sure which might come first.

"You will notice that Hogwarts has began something new this year," McGonagall said after a moment. Lavender's gaze dropped to the children beside Zabini. Different? She would say so. "We've begun a parenting program. We felt that, following the war, many people were hastilly jumping into marriages - as being free of any pressing threat, they had limitless opportunities. However, there also came an issue concerning the sharp decline in our population these last few years... So, to make our students more responsible, we've implemented this class so that you understand what taking care of another human being requires."

All because of other people's actions? Lavender wouldn't get married - not with this... this condition. This curse. She dropped her gaze to her plate. She was no help to the decline in population. She was just as hopeful for a Wizarding future as Fenrir Greyback had been. No one wanted a world populated with monsters.

"Your children will not accompany you to class, as your classes will be slightly different than those of your peers. However, every morning you will drop your child off at the Great Hall after breakfast and then continue to your classes. You will then meet up with them here for lunchtime, to back to class, and then return here to retrieve them and take them home for dinner." Dinner. The disaster that Lavender didn't know how to cook. Perhaps she could head to the library and find a recipe book. Surely she could learn to cook something. "As I'm sure Filius informed you, you will have to eat and make your own dinners in your homes. No elves. Magic is allowed, however, as some of you do not know how to work the Muggle appliances we equipped your homes with."

It made Lavender wonder how Zabini had worked the stove - afterall, it was Muggle. And he was most definitely not.

"This is all the case because of the Ministry's new law, as well."

Lavender jerked her head up sharply. What? Law? But... but no one ever mentioned a law. The Ministry intervening, sure, the twins had hinted at it, but... nothing about a Law. Lavender shouldn't have returned. If it was anything like her fifth year... the Ministry wouldn't be too light in whatever they dealt.

"What do you mean?" Harry demanded. "None of us were aware of a law."

"Hogwarts signed a... reluctant agreement with the Ministry that we were not allowed to disclose information about the law until this morning - once your partners were permanent." Lavender felt sick - definitely sick first. Partners? What did this have to do with Zabini? Oh, God, were they going to have to... to procreate? She couldn't even think about it anymore. She had had her fair share of fun in school, but now? Now she was disgustingly disfigured - she wanted no one to see that.

"This is outrageous!" Hermione cried. "We fought in the war, our friends and family died in this war, all for what? The Ministry to start telling us what to do? I refuse to comply-"

"Your partners are to become your spouses," McGonagall interrupted. Lavender let out a shuddering breath, her eyes closing painfully. She had a feeling - a hint that was where this was leading.

"No," Parvati said immediately. "I am not marrying Draco Malfoy. I'm not marrying anyone the Ministry tells me to! Besides, I have a boyfriend in India! What about that?"

What if Lavender didn't want to get married? She didn't... she couldn't. "Your marriage will... will take place right after we have this meeting." And then rage boiled in Lavender. How dare they spring this on them? "If Hogwarts had any say in the matter, we would not be doing this, but Hogwarts... has been threatened, and in the best interest of the school, you fourteen have become the ... first to try this law out - and then it will be implimented to the mass public next fall..." Lavender took a deep breath, to try to calm herself. She had to stay calm for the moon tonight. She had to. "To not comply will result in a long term in Azkaban... or in a more violent case of noncompliance, death. I know you're very upset, but your matches have been made with great care-"

"Upset?" Lavender cried, causing all heads to turn to her. "That's an understatement!" She dug her fingers into the wood of the table, her nails scratching into it. "Some of us just got out of the war! Some of us just fought in the war! And the Ministry thought we should all get married and be happy? That's the last thing on any of our minds! We just want it over. I want it over. I have to deal with what I saw in the war - what happened to me in the war, and you're saying I have to get married to someone that ... someone that fought on the side that tried to kill me? Granger's right, why are we being punished with this? I'd rather go to Azkaban than-"

"Miss Brown," McGonagall said gently. "I understand your anger. I understand how all of you are unhappy with this. But there is nothing we can do. The Ministry will only try to keep the Law in power - trying with other people - if all of you don't comply."

"I don't know about you, but I think it would look pretty suspicious if suddenly the Choosen One was chucked into Azkaban, Professor. And the Brightest Witch of Her Age. And The One That Slayed the Snake. And The One that Blew Up the Bridge-" Ron started. "You can't just... just expect us to be okay with this!"

"I don't," McGonagall said, her tone no longer gentle, but hard. Lavender took a deep breath, trying to calm. She had to calm. She kept her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing as she listened to the fight around her. "But the matter is out of all of our hands. They will throw you in Azkaban, and they will do so in a manner that will make you all appear to be the bad guys," she said firmly. "So, it's best you all comply so that we don't have to deal with that mess. As I was saying, the Ministry matched you based upon peronsalities, hobbies, work ethic, interests. There is something connecting each of you, and it is because of that that you're paired. I regret to inform you of this, but there's nothing to reverse it."

"When do we get married?" Pansy questioned, her voice almost resigned. As if she was used to the Ministry tampering. Lavender began a quiet breathing exercise so that she wouldn't get angry again. "And is it a Wizarding ceremony, or Muggle?"

"You will be getting married as soon as you are reunited with your families in the Trophey Room," McGonagall stated. Lavender inhaled sharply, getting a scent of spice from Parvarti as the girl leaned forward to bury her head in her hands, and glanced up. Her parents? There was a chance her parents were here? No... No, no. They couldn't see her. Her mum would know immediately, by the scars... and the scars - no, she couldn't see them. "The ceremony will be simple, and you can remarry later, if you wish for a larger ceremony - with all of your friends and family. And yes, Ms. Parkinson, this is a Wizarding marriage."

"What's the difference?" Lavender asked quietly, wincing slightly as she felt a few eyes on her - shaming her for not knowing Wizarding custom, judging her, disgusted with her.

"Wizarding marriages don't end in divorce. They ... essentially bond the witch and wizard together for life. If one wishes to end their marriage, it will only end in death. There is no other way out."

"But... but the Ministry doesn't approve of werewolves. They don't recognize Bill Weasley's marriage to Fleur Delacour - that's why they remarried in France. They don't approve of people tainted with werewolf blood to marry normal people... I... I can't get married, Professor... it's... it's not allowed. My kind are a disgrace to the Wizarding World... Will... Will I be sent to Azkaban, because I can't? Or will they... will they kill me?"

"Miss Brown," McGonagall said gently, and Lavender felt her throat constrict as she knotted her fingers together. "The Ministry has... made adjustments for cases such as yourself. You are only half were, not full. Therefore, they are recognizing your marriage to Mr. Zabini because it is in their best interest." Lavender felt her eyes well up with tears and she closed them, nodding to say she heard, but breathing through her nose to keep from crying. She couldn't have any of this. She didn't deserve it.

"The children," McGonagall continued. "Are fake. They, with the help of Professor Trelawney, are constructed so that they look and behave exactly how your children in the future will. Your eldest will be your first born, and your youngest, your second born... These are, technically, your children, same age gap, same features, same personalities. The only thing they do not have is a beating heart. ... so we ask that you do not get too attached."

"But that's impossible!" Hannah Abbott spoke up. "If we're going to be raising them, as our own children, we're essentially going to care for them-"

"Then all the better for when they disappear, as the Ministry wants you to have these children within five years of your graduation-"

Lavender choked on air. What? She... she couldn't have twins... not so young... She couldn't have children - she didn't want to pass anything on. She couldn't pass anything on.

"You mentioned classes," Padma spoke up. "What about those?"

"You will essentially be self teaching yourselves. All assignments for the seventh year courses will be given to you following your weddings, and we expect them to be done on the time frame mentioned. Afterall, you are - essentially - teaching yourselves. We figure that it will be the best way for you to care for your families as well as other concerns without the burden of a set schedule. You will report to an abandoned classroom in an abandoned tower so that you may be isolated."

Isolation. At least they were granting something Lavender was okay with. She didn't like large crowds. They made her sneeze and itch. "I ask for Hannah Abbott and Harry Potter to follow me to the Trophey Room for their ceremony." She was immensely relieved that it wouldn't be in front of a crowd. As the two students rose, Lavender took a few more breaths.

"What's a wizarding ceremony like?" Lavender asked quietly. She hadn't ever been to a Wizarding wedding. Her parents had married the Muggle way - as her father was a Muggle, and... she didn't know anyone that got married besides Bill and Fleur - but she hadn't gone to their wedding. He just had written her about the obstacles they had to cross when it came to the end of the war.

Parvati turned to her, offering her an answer. "You recite vows, sign a document and exchange rings," she shrugged. "Nothing fancy. Takes probably twenty minutes all together. No... kissing, thank Merlin. And no requirements for marriage consumation. A lot of elderly people just got married to secure their funds, and didn't have to have sex."

The news relieved her greatly. She ... she wasn't ready for that. She didn't think she'd ever be ready for that.

"And, of course, there are fidelity charms, so that your spouse can't cheat on you," Neville input. "And you can't cheat on them. But, some ceremonies exclude that from the vows, but I don't think the Ministry will do that. They want this as sealed as it can get, I've gathered."

Only loyal to each other? Zabini was going to be awfully lonely... It made Lavender feel ashamed. She wished she could be more for him. She wished she could be the girl she was before... but she wasn't. She was anything but the bubbly blonde that gossiped and told stories about her friends, only to turn right around and to tell stories to them as well.

And when McGonagall returned with Hannah and Harry, both looking relatively normal hue, it had to have been as Parvati and Neville said. Relatively simple, nothing itimate... nothing else. She could do that.

"Miss Brown and Mr. Zabini, please."

But not next! Lavender gave a strangled noise and Seamus took her arm gently. "You'll be fine," he promised. "And if he hurts ya, I'll kill him for ya."

She hesitated, but rose, hugging her arms to herself as she approached Professor McGonagall holding open the door. She got there only a few seconds after Zabini and followed him down the stairs, hearing McGonagall following them. And scents. There were so many scents that Lavender began to itch, feeling the purfume on her skin. Her throat felt slick with the many flower essences in the air.

And then all of the families were seated there, in an uncluttered Trophey Room, their order not really distinct, it seemed, but just scattered. She didn't want to look to see if her parents were there - were actually alive. She didn't want to know. McGonagall directed them to stand at the front of the rows, much like at a Muggle ceremony, and took a deep breath.

"Lavender Brown and Blaise Zabini, we are gathered here today to witness your matrimony and to unite the House of Brown with the House of Zabini for future generations. Miss Brown, if you will repeat after me." Lavender swallowed, but she still tasted the perfume in the air as she stared at the Professor, not glancing at the crowd behind her. "I, Lavender Brown-"

"I, Lavender Brown," Lavender said quietly.

"Take Blaise Zabini to be my husband for as long as I shall live."

"Take Blaise Zabini to be my husband for as long as I shall live." Perhaps, if he killed her, they'd both be free of the marriage. Her hands began to shake and she clapsed them together, pressing her lips together as McGonagall continued.

"I vow to support my husband-" McGonagall said, and waited until Lavender repeated, "and be there when he needs me-" "-and lend my magic in any time of need." Lend her magic? Lavender didn't know about that. "I vow to love and cherish him to the best of my ability-" The best of her ability? "-and to hold all that he holds dear, dear to me." She couldn't support the Dark Lord's ideals. "I vow to uphold the traditions of both of our houses-" What traditions? "-and to only work for the betterment of our joined houses." Betterment? She couldn't make anything better. She was useless. "I vow to be only loyal to my husband." There was the fidelity. "I vow to provide emotional support, and be a friend-" A friend, she was okay with. She could do friends, one day, a long time from now, when she came to terms with her curse. "-a lover and a wife." Those she wasn't quite okay with. "In my sickness, in my health-" "-in conditions less than human, and conditions of weakness and strength-" "For better or for worse, I vow to be there-" "-Until death do we part." Well that all ended relatively Muggle, Lavender considered. And... nothing overly sweet or promising.

"Mister Zabini, if you will repeat? I, Blaise Zabini-" "Take Lavender Brown to be my wife for as long as I shall live." His voice was distant, as though he was detacted. "I vow to support my wife-" "-and be there when she needs me-" "-and lend my magic in any time of need." "I vow to love and cherish her to the best of my ability-" "-and to hold all that she holds dear, dear to me." "I vow to uphold the traditions of her house above my own-" Wait... Lavender throught back to the vows she had made. Why was that one different? "-and to only work for the betterment of our joined houses." "I vow to be only loyal to my wife." "I vow to provide emotional support and be a friend-" "-a lover and a husband." "In my sickness, in my health-" "in conditions less than human and conditions of weakness and strength-" "For better or for worse, I vow to be there-" "Until death do we part."

Once he finished there was a silence in the room and Lavender heard almost a distinct cough that reminded her of Umbridge.

"I will cast the rings," McGonagall stated and she moved towards the fireplace, grabbing a hot liquid from the fire and Lavender noticed that there was molten metal inside. Surely she wasn't going to... to put the burning metal on their skin, was she? When she said permanent marriage, she didn't think she meant... infused to your body." But a ring mold appeared and McGonagall poured the metal into it, causing Lavender to smell the burning heat, the gold, the bind.

Perhaps, she could go to Azkaban, before this was permanent. She could go now... before they got home that night and he tried to... to consumate the marriage. She didn't ... she didn't want to and if he did, would... would he make her? The cooling of the rings only took a few seconds with a flick of the Headmistress's wand, and then she was glancing at Lavender expectantly. "Take the ring closest to you and place it on your husband's left ringfinger." The ring exchange then. She took the ring hesitantly, almost expecting it to be hot, before she turned to Blaise. She didn't meet his eyes as he held up the hand for her, and she barely touched him as she slid it on his finger. "Repeat, please: This is my vow to you."

"This is my vow to you," Lavender murmured.

"Mister Zabini, if you will please take the ring-" Blaise reached for it and Lavender swallowed nervously as she lifted her hand up. His hand grasped it, and she was surprised to find that his grip, while firm, was also gentle. And soft. He slid the ring onto her finger.

"This is my vow to you," he stated without prompting. Apparently, he knew Wizarding weddings. She figured he probably would. The ring was a tad big, being generic, and so she was surprised when the band began to shrink to her finger until it fit snuggly. She wondered if it would ever come off.

"I now pronounce you as Mr. and Mrs. Zabini."

And there was clapping, congratulating them, but Lavender just swallowed down the feelings she felt and followed McGonagall up the stairs, not even glancing at the crowd that was celebrating them. When she reached Gryffindor table, she sat in her seat, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Did you see his parents?" Ron asked.

"I didn't look into the crowd," Lavender admitted quietly.

"Miss Bulstrode and Mr. Finnegan."

"Now's my time to shine," Seamus winked at them all. He was in a relatively happy mood. Lavender didn't need to guess why. Milicent was gorgeous, a blonde bombshell that no doubt worked very little to make herself pretty. She was everything Lavender wasn't - had never been. Naturally pretty, naturally a good speaker - and despite being in Slytherin, she hadn't heard of Millicent being a Death Eater. But she could have been wrong.

As they returned, Hermione and Neville left, and Lavender twisted the ring on her finger, trying to think just for how long she'd be able to hide before she would have to emerge - maybe she could teach herself how to hunt... maybe she could live in the Muggle world? But... but that wasn't fair to Zabini. He was... he was still her husband until she died... maybe she could kill herself? The option certainly was one she considered over the summer... it would free him to the burden of a werewolf wife.


	5. Learning about Each Other

Padma and then Parvati followed, Parvati more reluctantly than Pad, and then it was Pansy Parkinson. And once McGonagall returned, she stood where she had previously and surveyed the group.

"I believe it would be best for you fourteen to become acquainted with one another. If you are going to be living next door to each other and seeing each other every day, it's best you get rid of any animosity... So, I will have Nearly Headless Nick escort you to your classroom, where you will stay until lunch time. I believe I will be having a very lengthy discussion with each of your families to ensure they understand this law to the best of their abilities... and then they will make their way to your classroom after lunch for some... meeting of the parents."

Meeting the parents? Lavender felt her heart stutter as she tried to imagine Zabini's mother. Or his father - step-father. She had heard stories, plenty of them. Stories of the torture the woman had subjected Zabini's many fathers to - poisoned them, and then remarried once they were buried.

Would he do that to her? Poison her and then remarry?

She could only hope.

Nearly Headless Nick was one of the only ghosts Lavender had been acquainted with, and one that had helped her in her first year find many classes that she got lost searching for.

So they rose, the children staying behind, and McGonagall gestured for the children to follow her down the stairs to the Trophey Room, where all of the families were waiting.

The classroom was only a five minute walk from the lunch room, closed off, isolated, and overlooked Black lake with gorgeous windows that stretched along the entire exposed surface. Lavender approached the windows quietly as she heard Hermione exclaim with the finding of textbooks and assignments lists. Staring out over the expansive country, she saw no grief, no pain, no scars in the wilderness. The castle in her view had been pretty much repaired, some shingles missing still, but it showed no signs of the war fought only a few months before.

"Lav?" Seamus voice brought up gently. Lavender glanced over her shoulder to see people watching her, staring at her. She was in their way of the view. She was always in the way. "You going to join us?"

And they were waiting on her, and she was making whatever talk they were going to do delayed. "Yeah," Lavender whispered quietly before sitting in the opened chair.

"So... should we introduce ourselves?" Ron asked. "I mean, you all know who is who, but we aren't exactly friends."

"My name is Lavender," Lavender said quietly, bringing attention to her. She hated the attention. "I'm a Muggleborn. My mother is a Muggleborn witch, and my father is a Muggle... In the Battle of Hogwarts, I was attacked by Fenrir Greyback." Lavender felt her lips twitch as she fought a rueful smile. "I'm half-werewolf and I have to eat my meat raw. Strong scents like Malfoy's cologne and Hannah's perfume make my throat burn... and I see things," Lavender said, glancing up after a minute. "I have a certain proclivity for Divination."

There was silence a moment, and Lavender dropped her gaze against as she hugged her arms to her, tucking her legs towards her body as she settled in the chair. She just wanted to take up as little space as possible.

"I'll go next," Neville spoke up. "My name is Neville Longbottom. I'm a Pureblood, uh, my mum was Alice Peverell, and my dad was Frank Longbottom, aurors. I live with my Gran. Uh... in the Battle of Hogwarts, I almost died trying to help blow up that bloody bridge, and then... slayed the snake, I guess. I like Herbology, and I'm allergic to pine." He gave a weak chuckle. "That's all that's interesting about me, really."

"I'm Hermione," the know-it-all spoke up. Lavender's only hope for a decent future. She still smelt strange, like a faded scent was around her. Something... off. Sort of like her Shrieking Shack, it was dusty, like very old books. And a hint of chocolate. "I'm a Muggleborn. Both of my parents are Muggles, and they're dentists - uh, they clean people's teeth. But... they live in Australia at the moment and they aren't aware they have a daughter that's a witch..." Hermione frowned suddenly, thinking. "We all lost a lot in the war... I love reading and researching any subject really, though I think Divination is a waste of time."

So was Lavender a waste of time? She was stupid. She should never have said that she liked Divination. Granger would never help her on anything, now. She was stupid and she was a waste of time, and she had no future anyway. Lavender tightened her grip on her legs.

"Alright, since I'm next in the cirlce, here... Harry Potter. I'm a halfblood. James Potter was a pureblood and Lily Evans a Muggleborn. I, uh, snuck into the Ministry twice, illegally, and was pretty lucky I wasn't caught... we weren't caught... I grew up with my mum's sister and her family who absolutely hate magic and... so, I lived in a cupboard for most of my life because they tried to stamp it out of me." He shrugged. Lavender's gaze lifted in surprise, staring at the Choosen One. He had been abused as a child.

"All of the Slytherin's thought you grew up like a prince," Millicent spoke up quietly. Merlin, even her voice was perfect. She should be married to Zabini, not Lavender.

"Uh, what?" Harry asked, confused. "What gave you guys that impression?"

"Harry," Neville chuckled. "You're famous."

"Oh, er, right," Harry muttered, his cheeks turning pink. He wasn't comfortable with the fact he was famous? But he had been famous his entire life.

"My name is Hannah," Hannah Abbott, now Potter, spoke up suddenly. "I was in Hufflepuff and I'm a halfblood. I lost my parents in the first war, both were halfbloods... I love Charms. In the Battle of Hogwarts, I was hit with a nasty spell near the beginning and I was unconscious for weeks," Hannah spoke up. "Left a horrible scar on my stomach, but, it's war." She gave a small shrug. How could she be so nonchalant about her disfiguration?

"What spell was it?" Lavender found herself asking and she immediately bit her lip as Hannah glanced at her sharply.

"Fiendfyre," Hannah answered, her voice kind. Was everyone so kind? "Some stupid Death Eater thought it would be funny. Someone killed him before it could do too much damage, I heard."

"You're so lucky," Hermione murmured.

Hannah flushed, but glanced towards the boy beside her, Draco Malfoy.

"Draco Malfoy," Malfoy said shortly, his tone not as harsh as she remembered it, but still... cold. "I am a Pureblood and was given the Dark Mark in an effort to kill Dumbledore." That was definitely news to Lavender. "I couldn't do it. My mother saved Potter's life in the middle of the Battle and then... I left with her and my father to go to the Manor, and wait for the Aurors to come and find us." He crossed his arms and Lavender dropped his gaze, the familiar arrogance surrounding him. "My father is currently serving a life sentence in Azkaban, and I barely escaped from it. My patronus is a dragon."

He didn't seem like the guy that would have happy memories, let alone those strong enough for a corporeal patronus. But Lavender supposed even the bad guys had to have been happy once. It continued around the circle, the introductions, but the one she wanted to know the most about was her new... husband.

"Blaise Zabini," he said equally as short as his best friend. "I am a Pureblood. My father was Tiberius Zabini, and he was killed shortly after I was born. . . My mother remarried, and, uh... three years ago, her new husband was a Death Eater and encouraged me to take the Mark... so I did. And then he dies and Mum remarries some Auror bloke that managed to get me a fair trial." He bit his cheek. "So, I've had eight dads in my life, an insane mother, and in the Final Battle, my fiancee died." Oh. Lavender swallowed. Well, she supposed that she should have known that he had been in a serious committed relationship. With that blonde Slytherin girl... Greengrass? "I'm good with numbers."

"Now what?" Seamus asked after there was silence. "Do we just wait for lunch?"

"My favorite hobby is sewing," Lavender spoke up, using the boldness she was sorted with to keep the conversation going. She wanted them to be okay with her, but she didn't want to annoy them. "My mother taught me when I was young and... I've always liked to sew."

"I like working in the garden," Neville shrugged.

"Reading," Hermione admitted, flushing slightly.

"Definitely sleeping in," Harry answered immediately. "When you don't have to save the world anymore, it's great getting a lot of sleep you missed."

"I like writing," Hannah admitted, her eyes downcast. "Fiction, nonfiction, articles-"

"Quidditch," Malfoy muttered.

"I, actually, like watching Muggle movies," Pansy said after a moment. "I think they're fascinating."

"I don't really know," Ron admitted. "Uh, is side-kicking a hobby?"

"I can make it a hobby," Neville muttered under his breath, probably not intending for anyone to hear, but Lavender did with her sensative hearing and she giggled, burying her face into her knees to keep it from being heard.

"Probably chess, though. Wicked match."

"Quidditch," Millicent admitted. And athletic. Merlin, she was everything.

"Shopping," Padma and Parvati smiled together.

"Watching the Irish play," Seamus grinned. "Wicked fan of theirs."

"You're an Irish fan?" Millicent asked in surprise. Was she one too? She was perfect for Seamus. Lavender had no interest in the sport.

"Born and bred," Seamus winked at her. Millicent flushed and Lavender swallowed to keep from biting her lip in obvious distress.

"A good game of Snaps is always something to tempt me with," Dean said after a second of thought.

"Exploring the castle is fun," Zabini spoke up from beside her. "You, uh, learn a lot about the grounds."

"Worst teacher - Hagrid," Lavender began another round.

"Snape," Neville said shiverring.

"Trelawney," Hermione said almost immediately.

"Quirrell... I mean he tried to kill me."

"Snape," Hannah uttered.

"Trelawney. Bit of a nutter."

Was she a nutter too?

"Lockhart," Pansy grimmaced.

"Snape," Ron said.

"Binns," Millicent replied, her face scrunching up as if remembering the long lectures the ghost would give.

"Snape," the twins spoke at the same time.

"Snape," Seamus agreed.

"Burbage," Dean shrugged. "Shame what happened to her and all, but she had no idea about anything she was talking about."

"Snape," Blaise stated. Lavender jerked in surprise. Surely a fellow Slytherin wouldn't betray their house like that.

"I'd think a fellow Slytherin'd like Snape," Ron spoke up.

Blaise shrugged. "He wasn't fair to his students."

"I'm sorry, Lav, but how can you hate Hagrid?" Ron spoke up, surprised.

"He scared me," Lavender shrugged, her gaze not lifting from her toes. "And he did put students in danger a lot."

"It was because of Hagrid we were able to smuggle Sirius out of the school," Harry admitted. "And Buckbeak."

"That bloody chicken?" Malfoy cried.

"If he hadn't have attacked Malfoy, it would never have been sentenced to execution that day, and then Sirius would never have been rescued, Peter Pettigrew would never have gotten away, and Lupin wouldn't have attacked Hermione." Hermione was attacked by a werewolf? But... Lavender glanced at the girl. She looked relatively normal. No scratch marks... nothing to show signs of an attack.

"He was scared, Harry," Hermione snapped. "And he didn't have time to take the Wolfsbane because Snape was too busy following us. His instincts took over."

"He could have killed you," Lavender spoke quickly. "But... you look fine!"

"Snape sort of stepping front of us, protecting us, but Remus knocked him away and... he was getting closer when Sirius distracted him. We're fine." But that behavior? If Sirius Black hadn't have been there? She would have been dog chow.

"We're off topic," Lavender said after a moment. "Um... first kiss. Oliver Wood, first year."

"Blimey!" Padma gasped, shocked. Lavender hadn't really been friends with the twins then, and by the time she was friends with them, she had already had other boyfriends.

"Ginny, at the Yule Ball," Neville admitted.

"Viktor... Yule Ball, as well," Hermione admitted sheepishly.

"What?" Padma and Parvati shrieked, making Lavender wince at the noise and suck in a breath, getting overwhelming scents around her.

"We sort of dated for a week or so," Hermione continued.

"Do you still talk to him?" Pansy Parkinson asked curiously.

"Well, of course she does," Lavender insisted. "You don't just stop a friendship with a Quidditch star."

"Do you still like him?" Parvati demanded.

"Of course not," Hermione said hotly. "And yes, I still write to him. But his letters have been less frequent since he married some witch in Bulgaria."

"They were each other's date to Bill and Fleur's wedding," Harry said smugly.

"Only because we had no one else to go with," Hermione explained quickly before the twins could get back on her case. "Honestly, we're friends. That's all we've really ever been."

"Cho Chang," Harry shrugged. "She was crying, it was a bit wet... not pleasant."

"Ernie," Hannah sighed softly.

"Pansy," Draco smirked.

"Draco," Pansy returned.

"Lavender," Ron admitted. Lavender was surprised, glancing at him. She hadn't known that.

"Uh, no one," Millicent spoke up hesitantly.

"You've never been kissed?" Seamus whispered in surprise. "But, I mean, look at you!" Millicent glanced down at herself, as if trying to see what Seamus saw. Gorgeousness.

"Nope, no one," Millicent shrugged.

"Millie, you're every guy's wet dream," Blaise said seriously. "Come on."

Which meant his wet dream. Lavender was nothing compared to Millicent. If that was what he wanted... she couldn't be that. She would never be the gorgeous, athletic and bubbly, shy blonde. "Nope," Millicent repeated. "Next."

"Seamus," the twins shrugged.

"We switched a lot," Parvati explained.

"Nice," Seamus smirked, winking at them. "Some girl from elementary school in me hometown, Aisling."

"Ginny," Dean shrugged.

"Daphne Greengrass." Daphne, that had been her name. She had been gorgeous too... Did Zabini have a thing for blonde girls? Lavender wasn't blonde - not like Millicent or Daphne had been. She was almost a mix between brown and blonde, and her hair was a curly mess.

"Your first time," Lavender said after a moment. "Mine was Ron."

"Luna," Neville blushed.

Hermione shrugged, almost as if stating a fact from a textbook. "No one."

"Not even when you were dating Viktor?" Millicent cried. "But- That would have been-"

"I was fifteen, he was eighteen," Hermione shrugged.

"And Ron?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Bloody hell," Ron cried. It made Lavender wince again. "Not when you were always hanging around us, mate."

"Gin," Harry said simply.

"Bloody hell, my sister!? My bloody sister-" She hated the shouting. She buried her face in her knees, trying to block the sound out, but it barely muffled it.

"We dated for a good year and a half, Ron," Harry snorted. "It's not like we were exactly-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"Ernie."

"Pansy."

"Draco."

"Lavender," Ron shrugged. They had been each other's firsts? Lavender hadn't know that either. She had always assumed... He could have had any girl in the school he wanted...

"Rabastian," Millicent said quietly. "It pretty much came with the Marking for me. Got to prove your worth."

"Seamus," Padma said suddenly, and Millicent relaxed as the eyes darted away from her.

"Dean," Parvati nodded.

"Padma, or at least, I think it was Padma," Seamus answered, scratching his neck.

"Oh, yeah," Padma smirked. "It was me."

"Ginny," Dean admitted.

Ron's eyes widened and Lavender prepared herself for another round of shouting.

"That was in her bloody third year!"

"Uh, no, we got back together in sixth. She was in fifth-"

"Daphne," Zabini spoke up as Ron fumed in anger.

"Bloody hell, I'm going to kill you," Ron threatened Dean.

The questions continued, ranging from Quidditch teams, to sweets, to places traveled. And by the time the bell rang, Lavender felt her stomach in her throat at what would come after lunch - meet the parents. She really, really didn't want to meet his parents. From what he had explained about his family, it was going to be... well, interesting. His mother was either very uptight, or very relaxed.

Lavender had no intention of finding them out. But before she could escape, Seamus linked arms with her, keeping her trapped in the crowd. "So, Lav, tell me, how come you put out for Ron, but never for me?"

"I did," she said shortly. "After Ron."

"Oh, yeah," Seamus said after a moment. "In the Room of Requirements." She nodded carefully, detatching her arm from his person. Her fingers clasped themselves in front of her and she began to play with the ring on her finger, so unfamiliar that she wanted to just take it off.

"It's weird, isn't it?" Seamus asked after a second. "Being married."

"I try not to think about it," she admitted.

"Zabini doesn't seem like he's been that horrible to you," Seamus pointed out. "You aren't glaring at him." She doubted she would even try. He'd probably kill her faster that way. "Is... everything alright, Lav? You're different."

"Tired," she admitted. "I don't sleep well."

"None of us do," Seamus reminded her. "That's the beauty of surviving. It never lets you forget." And she hated it. "But.. you'd tell me, if something was wrong? You know I love ya, Lav. And I'd be there if you needed anything."

"I know, Seamus, thank you," Lavender said quietly.

"Right, then, it's time for some raw steak, right?"

She rolled her eyes, allowing a small smile to appear. "Not for lunch."

But he didn't seem to hear her as he spouted on about the delicacies of raw meat and she did her best not to picture the bleeding steaks or the other meats he described, because it made her breath quicken and her mind race with the hunger - the mindless hunger that terrified her. What if, one night, she went to sleep, and the hunger took over?


	6. Meet the Parents

She nervously fidgeted in her seat, eating some vegetables beside her, trying to calm her nerves. Zabini's parents. It's all her classmates were buzzing about. Meeting the parents after lunch. God, she had no idea what to say to them. They'd know what she was just by looking at her. Could she fake being sick? Skip and head to the dorms instead? She couldn't stay... she couldn't face that.

But all too soon, she was being herded to the Room of Requirement. Her heart was pounding in her chest, making her almost physically ill. She couldn't do this. She really couldn't. And they'd be with her parents... the parents she hadn't seen in months... the parents she didn't even know were coming. She didn't want to find out in front of Zabini and... and his parents. She didn't want that.

Zabini was waiting for her at the door, his eyes traveling to her grip on Seamus's arm.

"You'll be alright, Lav?" Seamus questioned, eying Zabini worriedly.

"Yeah," Lavender said quietly. She released him with a "sorry" before she cleared her throat. Addressing Zabini, she felt it necessary to warn him. "My parents aren't that familiar with magic, if they're even here."

He quirked an eyebrow, as if about to question what she meant, but didn't comment. "I'm aware."

She nodded and he led her into the classroom. What she had failed to notice, during their getting to know each other's was the warm looking couches that were against the walls on the other side of the tower. Seven sets of sofas, each in a tetris shape, so that it was almost an enclosed room for each. And at each group of sofas, the parents were all sitting. Her eyes swept the room, trying to find her own, or what she figured would be his, but he seemed to already know, moving in the direction to the farthest corner. She liked the isolation.

It was a congregation of four couches, and the lighting was very bright due to the wall of windows. Upon their arrival, the Zabinis, two very tall, elegant people, rose. Mrs. Zabini was dark skinned, much like Blaise, and her eyes were sharp, cold, as they assessed Lavender, lingering on the scar that marred her face the most - making the scrutiny obvious. Then, the woman pursed her lips, glancing to her son. Not a good first impression then. Lavender had doubted the woman would approve anyway. Lavender didn't even approve of herself.

Mr. Zabini was obviously not Blaise's father, and obviously not a Zabini. The man was fair haired, with light blue eyes, and he almost looked... kind. So, not really knowing what to call him, she decided Mr. Zabini would be safe. A safe name, until he told her his real name. His gaze appraised her in almost a warmer light than his wife's and then he gave a small nod, glancing towards Zabini... Was that... approval? Why would he approve of her?

And they halted at the edge of the couches, noticing that the children were sitting there, and then her eyes darted to her own parents, sitting as far away from the Zabini's as possible, alive... well. Healthy. She couldn't stop the relief that caused her shoulders to drop. She was so sure they were dead. She had been so sure. The children were as close to her parents as they could get, giggling.

"Well? What's your name, girl?" Mrs. Zabini snapped suddenly.

Lavender jumped at the suddenness of it. She swallowed, dropping her gaze. "Lavender... My name is Lavender Brown, Mrs-"

"Call me Madame Rhodes," the woman interrupted coldly. "Yes, you're certainly an interesting addition, aren't you? House?"

"Gryffindor," Lavender answered quietly.

"Good girl." She didn't know if it was a praise or a statement of stereotypical character. "Sit."

Lavender took the couch with one of her daughter's, letting the girl play with her hair, take out the braid and then rebraid it. She didn't even glance at her own parents, who had noticed her arrival, but they hadn't spoken ... nor risen. Was it obvious they were Muggles?

Zabini took his seat at the other couch, with the other twin, and cleared his throat. "My name is Blaise Zabini," he spoke to her parents. "You must be ... Lavender's parents." His forced civility as he used her name didn't go unnoticed by her.

"This is my mother, Rose," Lavender spoke up. Her gaze didn't move from the center of the circle of seats. "And my father, John."

"How... quaint," Mrs. Zabini- Rhodes said sarcastically.

"You... are not quite what we expected," Mr. Zabini-er, Rhodes spoke up, addressing Lavender. "We had heard stories from Blaise-"s

"War changes people," Lavender said quietly.

"What do you know about changes from the war?" Mrs. Rhodes suddenly snapped. "A simple scar on your face? Ruined your beauty, did it?" Lavender swallowed. This is exactly what she expected. "I imagine it's difficult not having men falling at your feet."

"Mother," Zabini snapped.

"She's right," Lavender quelled what she knew would be a snap back. "It's nothing compared to what I'm sure you've all gone through. And I'm sorry-"

"My daughter barely survived this war," Lavender's father came to her defense. Why would he defend her? Lavender had abandoned them... had never returned to them. They had to be angry. "She was attacked by some beast. God knows what else happened. Have some respect-"

"And our family really did lose family members," Mrs. Rhodes snapped. "I lost what would have been a daughter-in-law-"

"Enough," Mr. Rhodes cut his wife off. He exhaled. "You're right, Mr. Brown. We've all lost something in the war." He addressed Lavender, making her look up. "Your scar isn't just from a cut, isn't it?" Lavender slowly shook her head, swallowing. Her parents couldn't know what she became, could they? They didn't know that the beast that had nearly killed her made Lavender a beast herself. "Werewolf?"

"Not fully," Lavender said quietly. He seemed to hear. "Just... just sight, smell, strength..." She cleared her throat. "I don't change or anything... I'm not a threat."

Mrs. Rhodes scoffed. "Oh, just wonderful. A girl to disgrace our name further."

"Mother," Zabini snapped again.

"What are they talking about?" Lavender's mother asked quietly. "Lavender?"

"When I was attacked... it was Fenrir Greyback... He was a notorious werewolf... a horrible person. I didn't know enough magic to fight him off. And well... when he attacked me, he bit me... did a lot worse, really. He was some sort of monster. He didn't look human, but he wasn't a werewolf either... and he bit and scratched." Lavender cleared her throat. "I'm not human anymore. I'm not a wolf, either. The Ministry... they'll evaluate me soon, see how much of a werewolf I am in my blood. I don't want to disgrace the Zabini name... I never want that." Lavender glanced to the ground again.

"Good, then don't," Mrs. Rhodes stated simply. "The children obviously aren't real, so we don't have to worry about you sullying the bloodline. Blaise has an elder brother in which to carry on the Zabini name." Bloody hell, perhaps this was a bit harsher than she expected. "I expect no real children to sprout from this."

"Uh... with the marriage law, mother, it's required we have two children, or... well, or the Ministry will seriously-"

"Then I expect it done privately and the children to be raised by someone else," Mrs. Rhodes continued. "The Zabini name is an old, prominent one. It is prided for being pure longer than even the Malfoys."

"I... I understand," Lavender said quietly. Never to raise her children? She would fight tooth and nail on that one. With a quick glance at Zabini, he didn't seem to like the idea, either.

"You can't just force them to give up any children they have," John Brown spoke up. "That's barbaric."

"Wonderful, since you volunteered you can raise them," Mrs. Rhodes spoke up. Lavender's mother went to protest that they hadn't volunteered, but Mrs. Rhodes kept speaking. "Half-bloods can't be raised by a pureblood anyone. And no one should have to raise them of magical blood. That honor is what Muggles are for."

Lavender's jaw dropped. Before she could submit, she couldn't stop herself from speaking back. "Why? Because we're beneath you? I thought with the war that all went away. Your precious Lord's gone, that should mean his ideals are as well. We aren't in the age of aristocracy anymore. It's the twentieth bloody century. Have some respect to human beings if you can't have enough class to respect your own image."

"I hope by saying human beings you don't mean you, dear."

"And I hope you don't mean yourself," Lavender returned.

There was silence and Lavender took a deep breath. She had a horrible temper. It was because she was tired and the moon... She was so close to the moon. A deep breath was her pitiful attempt to calm her. It didn't work and she dug her fingers into the fabric under her, breathing in through her mouth and breathing out through the nose.

"For Christmas break, you two should come over," Rose Brown spoke up. "We'd be very happy to have you. And the children." It wasn't a place Lavender wanted to return to, but it seemed more appealing than the Zabinis.

"That sounds brilliant," Zabini answered with a cold glare at his mother. "We'll owl you details, I'm sure."

"When do you get a break?" Lavender's father asked.

"The sixteenth," Lavender whispered. "It's... it's a full moon, so I won't be able to be there that night."

"We can be there on the seventeenth," Zabini quickly filled in before his mother could begin speaking once more.

"Oh, wonderful," Rose Brown smiled brightly. "It's been so long since we've last seen you, dear. And such a long holiday, it would be wonderful to get to know everyone."

"Hogwarts has been in session for two days," Mrs. Rhodes said sharply. "Surely your exaggeration is completely unwaranted-"

"Oh, we didn't see her all summer." Lavender bit her lip, hating the tone in her mother's voice. Sadness. Disappointment. Confusion. Like she wanted an explanation.

"Galvanting with wolves, girl?"

"I was in the infirmary for a week," Lavender answered with no bite. Her gaze remained steady on the center of the triangle. "My injuries needed to heal naturally before they could use any means of magic. I was told by Amycus and Alecto that my parents had been killed... I didn't think I had a home to return to." She heard her mother gasp. "So, I didn't."

"By the looks of you, you didn't take good care of yourself. Where did you eat? Sleep?" Mr. Rhodes questioned, but gently.

"Aberforth Dumbledore was kind enough to... to give me food-"

"In exchange for something else, no doubt," Mrs. Rhodes snorted.

Lavender glanced up, a fierce glare aimed towards the woman, but it was her father who stood. "If you think for a second I'll sit here and listen to you insult my daughter, then you have another thing coming. So keep your comments to yourself, or I'll ensure that she never has to deal with your family again."

"Mother, please," Zabini said firmly. "Control yourself."

"It is not me that needs to be controlled," Mrs. Rhodse said stiffly. "Listen to how these people talk to me. Barbaric. And look at how she looks at me. She should be put down."

Lavender immediately dropped her gaze. She knew that this woman had the power to contact the Ministry, to drop a few hints that she was unstable... Lavender couldn't have that. She tried to take calming breaths.

"Elisabette, perhaps you should go home. I don't think you're feeling well," Mr. Rhodes stated quietly to his wife. Lavender could only hear because of her abilities.

"Very well... Blaise, dear, I expect a letter telling me when the bitch becomes pregnant," Mrs. Rhodes said, rising. She apparated with a crack, not even waiting for a reply from her son. There was silence, in which Lavender awkwardly shifted. Elisabette and Rose seemed oblivious of the encounter.

"I apologize for my wife," Mr. Rhodes said after a moment. "She hasn't been the same since the war ended."

"She's always been like that," Zabini said, finding no need to bullshit his mother's behavior. "I also apologize. Her actions are often rude and... she throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. I blame my grandfather for spoiling her rotten before she could even talk."

"I hope you know, Lavender, that there are movements in the Ministry's Creature Department for werewolf reforms... It's already cleared a few offices, and is expected to reach the Minister by this time next year at the rate it's going."

"I didn't know that," Lavender admitted quietly. "Thank you, for telling me." She didn't see how it would change anything. It wouldn't take away her condition.

There was silence again. "I know... that I can't offer much," Zabini said after a moment. Lavender glanced at him, confused. "I can't promise that I can make her happy, or anything... but I can promise a home and a family and..." He glanced at her, before looking once more to the Muggles, "and money for whatever she wants... Neither of us want to be married to each other, but we're stuck in this marriage for life. We can at least try to make life bearable."

"You're a good lad," Mr. Brown stated. "You treat her right or the strongest of your spells won't be able to stop me."

"Understood, sir."

Zabini swallowed at the strange look Lavender was giving him, the confused look. He should hate her. Why was he promising...? Was it an empty promise? Was he just promising it to her family, so that they wouldn't worry about her? Or so that they would forget about her? Perhaps both.

"I work in the Auror department," Mr. Rhodes spoke up, causing her to glance at him. "I can do my best to ensure that your daughter is the safest she can be. Once news of this law reaches the public, there will no doubt be... riots." Riots. People wanting her dead... Probably Zabini dead. All because they were tainted. A screwed up pair they made. "And though it doesn't quite agree with my contract, I will work to ensure that they are protected." He glanced towards his step-son, before looking to Lavender. "The world is changing for the better."

Lavender didn't see how. But she gave him an appreciative smile before swallowing and letting the girl next to her tie off the braid in her hair.

"I don't understand the whole kids thing," Mr. Brown muttered. "If they're going to disappear, why do that in the first place?"

"The Ministry," Mr. Rhodes said quietly. "They're very dramatic in their plans, and the children were... a way to be dramatic. To impose a life altering law on students, while also ... attempting to punish them as well, for the way the Ministry has fallen into disarray." Lavender frowned, biting her lip as she considered the implications. The Ministry had been humiliated in the war for how easily it had been infiltrated and fallen... And they wanted to get back at the ones that had humiliated them - Hogwarts, the students, Harry Potter, anyone in the Order and the Death Eaters.

Them.

Which meant while they accepted her marriage, it would not be a smooth ride. They would no doubt make her life as hellish as possible, and the impending Ministry visit that judged her traits... that could very well make her life worse than it already was.


	7. Becoming Routine

Blaise Zabini took the girls, talking to his step-father quietly. Lavender could have chosen to listen to what they were talking about, but instead she decided to talk to her own parents privately, before they had to leave.

"He seems alright," Mr. Brown stated.

"He's... not what he was a year ago," Lavender admitted. "He's different, and I don't know why..."

"At least he's handsome," Mrs. Brown commented. "His looks aren't going to fade quickly. He looks like he's going to age well." Lavender knew she wouldn't. Werewolves tended to age horribly. Another thing she couldn't offer him. Beauty when she was older as well.

Lavender blushed, however, and she glanced at her clasped hands. "I suppose so."

Mrs. Brown hugged her daughter tightly, her arms creating a warm cage that Lavender was familiar with. Her mother always gave the best hugs. The scent was a flowery mix, but a subtle hint of brown sugar, making Lavender miss the home she had grown up with. Her mother breathed into Lavender's braids, and she heard the words whispered, almost as if her mother was talking. "We missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Lavender said quietly, a swirling pool of guilt in her stomach. How could they not be disappointed? Her mother knew what a werewolf was, knew how disgraceful they were. And she hadn't visited... hadn't seen them. "I'm sorry... for not visiting this summer."

"You had your reasons," her mother said softly. "And they were very good ones... I hope this means we'll see more of you, then, to make up for it?"

Lavender smiled, nodding, relieved as she pulled away from the woman, but not entirely leaving her embrace. It felt so good to be hugged again. To know she was loved again. "Of course. I'll see you this Christmas... and I'll write. I know we always promise to write, but we don't... But I will this time."

"Good," Mrs. Brown said quietly, releasing her daughter. Lavender turned towards her father.

"Stay out of trouble," he warned her. "Study and-"

"I've had a lot of time to myself this summer," Lavender interrupted, biting her lip. "I've been studying, and soul searching... and... I'm not going to cause any trouble. I want to pass this year with the highest grades I can... What I am... it's gives me limited options and ... and I need the best start."

"Good," Mr. Brown stated flatly. He glanced at Zabini. "He tries anything, and I mean anything, you call those police. He looks like he's used to causing trouble."

Lavender nodded, even though she knew that the Aurors didn't respond the calls of werewolves. It was considered a waste of resources. "I will, but I don't think he'll... do anything." She had strength, too, more than Zabini did. She glanced at the clock hanging over the door and her eyes bugged. "I need to go. The moon's in a few hours, and I have so much to do-"

She hugged both of her parents tightly. "I'll see you soon," she promised. She turned towards Mr. Rhodes, just as he finished up talking to his step-son, and the man offered a hand to her. Lavender hesitantly took it, giving a weak handshake and then crossing her arms as he released it. "It was lovely to meet you, Mr. Rhodes... and ... and thank you, for what you said earlier."

She saw his lips turn into a smile, but she dropped her gaze and glanced towards the girls. "I'm... I have a lot of studying to do still... I'm going to head back early."

"Yeah, okay," Zabini shrugged. "I'm going to take them over to Malfoy's. Apparently Patil set up a playdate for them and her daughter..." Lavender swallowed, nodding. She would do best to study alone, anyway. Lavender's fingers ran through the daughter closest to her's hair and then she retracted it as though she tainted the girl. Maybe she did. Lavender didn't know anymore.

And she left the classroom without a further glance towards the parents around her, nor the students. She just needed to leave. She had to get away. She had to calm down. To relax. To push the meeting from as far from her mind as possible. The anxiety - Zabini's mother despised her... but her temper flared at the thought of not being able to raise her own children. Her cubs. The wolf insider of her wouldn't allow it.

Once she reached the confines of Number 5, she felt her emotions burst and she let out the tears, the frustration. She couldn't imagine a life worse than the one dealt to her. Winning the war was supposed to mean... a new life - a better life. Not... not this piss poor rendition of throwing shit at her. She hated it. She always hated it.

Her fingernails dug into the palms of her hands as she tried to calm herself, but it wouldn't work. The pain, though, the blood drawn by her nails, made her feel ... reality. And reality hurt so much more than she even bared to think.

She had never been suicidal before. Never considered taking her life ever before. She was happy. She basked in the attention of the men that would fawn over her, and she was always giggling and gossiping - loving to hate on people that she didn't like at the moment. But... but then she had woken up in the Hospital Wing, with bandages on her face and her arms, and her torso, and ... and she had never felt so heartbroken... so shattered.

So broken.

She hated them all for letting her live. Letting her deal with what she was. It was like torture. It was like the Dark Lord had gotten his way, because Fenrir Greyback certainly had.

She contemplated ending it now, just getting it over with before she got too attached to the girls, before the Ministry evaluation, before... the marriage really sunk in. But she remembered her promise to her parents.

See you soon... she would see them soon.

She didn't remember falling asleep, but she was just so exhausted. She drank her wolfsbane potion and then sat at the counter, pouring over her textbooks as though she'd suddenly recall seven years of education in that instant. With the silence in the house, she felt so utterly relaxed. She laid her head in her palm and before she knew it, she was being shaken awake.

"Sorry," Zabini muttered when she tensed and nearly fell off the stool in an effort to defend herself.

"Sorry," she returned. She gasped suddenly and glanced at the clock. She had only been asleep for a maximum of two hours, but it was two hours she had lost. Hurriedly, she started to grab her books, closing them so she was out of his way. "I-I didn't mean to get in your way or anything. Do you need this space?" She was always getting in people's way.

"It's fine. I'll make dinner. What do you want?"

"I-I don't know," Lavender admitted. "Whatever the girls want is fine." She moved her books, instead sitting on the floor in front of the glass door so she had natural lighting. She had tried to help him, feeling like she should have contributed to something, but she was turned down. So she sat there quietly, reading the text books from her first year and comparing them to the miniscule amount of notes she had taken, noting how there were hearts doodled about names of men she had fancied at the time. It was disgusting, looking back, how sugary sweet she had been.

War put everything into perspective.

When he began cooking meat, she discreetly opened the door just a little so she could breathe normally. The air was calm outside, and the sunset was approaching closely.

"Dinner," Lavender heard Blaise tell her. She stuffed her notes into her book and stood, brushing herself off, before watching as he placed four plates onto the table. She didn't know what the food was, she had never seen it before, but their plates looked delicious. Her own plate...

She stared at the dinner, her mouth salivating with hunger. Oh, Merlin's beard. The steak was raw, but very fresh. So fresh it seemed living. She glanced at Zabini uncertainly at the other end of the table, and he met her eyes, daring her to argue, and sat down.

"It's a bit seasoned," he answered her unspoken question. "You said you liked raw meat. I made it early before you left for the night." She sat down carefully at the plate with a raw steak. The kids had steak too, but it was cooked, with some sauces and things around it. She noticed a few pieces of their meal too on her plate. Noodles, some red sauce, and a few vegetables. Sauteed vegetables. She could smell the butter and olive oil. She had never had such good food before.

"Do you cook often?"

"I'm Italian," Zabini said simply. "Of course I do. My grandmother taught me what she knew. I'm the ... only child from her line of only children."

"Do you ever cook for others?" Lavender asked. His eyes darted around the table and she flushed, realizing how stupid the question sounded. "I mean, strangers. Like a restaurant."

"Like a pub?"

"No, a fancy restaurant," Lavender corrected. "Where people come and sit down and eat. They dress nice and things... Important events or to flash their money-"

"We don't have those in the Wizarding World."

"Oh," Lavender said, dropping her gaze to her plate. His tone was blunt, cold. Like he didn't want her to keep talking. Like it was an unwelcome topic. She respected that. She reached for her knife, taking a deep breathe and smelling the blood of the meat. It made her sit rigidly in her chair in absolute excitement.

"When do you leave for the night?"

"When the sun starts to go down," Lavender said as she began to cut pieces of her steak apart. She reached for her wand in her pocket and cast a discreet coating charm. Zabini noticed, raising an eyebrow. She continued as if nothing had happened. "I need to set up."

"Do you need help-"

"No," Lavender said immediately. Her eyes were sharp, but wary. Rose and Elisabette seemed to find her snapping normal. Zabini, however, didn't. He seemed a little offended. "Sorry, I just... I can't have any scents near me while I'm up there. I... I get really agitated and... it's really difficult to control myself when there's scents of other people. My first moon, there were so many scents from the war, and... It wasn't pretty." She cleared her throat before taking a bite of the steak. Merlin, it tasted so good. While the spices were a bit of an overload for her sense, she managed to swallow it before she started to discreetly scrape the spice off as best she could.

"At all?"

"Not even on my clothing," Lavender admitted. She glanced at her uniform. "I'll have to change before I leave."

"Oh, er... sorry." There was an uncomfortable silence.

"It's alright, I do that anyway," Lavender said, though it was a lie. She hadn't had contact with anyone in order to get a scent on her, beside Aberforth. But she was careful with that. And with her being around students all day, she needed to do was shower and apparate directly from the bathroom before she interacted with them.

"Mummy, you're going to the Shack, aren't you?" one of the girls asked. Lavender really needed to learn the difference between them. The teenager nodded in answer. "Oh, well, have fun. We can make you cookies like last time-"

Last time?

"No, that's alright. But thank you," Lavender said quietly. "You don't need to do that."

"Okay," the other girl chirped. "What about the blankets?"

"What blankets?" Lavender asked, confused.

"So you can sleep!" the first one insisted. "Elisabette and I always leave your blanket on the fence for you every morning so you could stay warm while we're at breakfast. Because you like to sleep in after, remember?"

She didn't, but she nodded. "That's fine. You can still do that if you want."

They beamed at each other. So the girl to Lavender's right was Rose. She assessed the girl as she finished her meal in silence, taking in features of her, and her scent. Then she looked towards Elisabette. Elisabette's hair was a tad blonder, and her eyes a shade darker.

"Can we stay up later and watch the rugby match?"

"The what?" Zabini asked, as though the word was offensive. Rose nodded eagerly.

"Yeah! It's the second match of the season! We have to watch it! And there's no day care tomorrow, so please?"

Elisabette groaned. "That's stupid stuff. It's all guys stuff, too."

"It is not!" Rose argued. "It's a lot of fun! Just because you don't like it-"

"I don't see any girls playing," Elisabette returned. "It's a stupid game."

Lavender could smell the tears pooling in Rose's eyes and glancing down at her plate she saw that it was all gone. She could prevent this from escalating. "Enough," she said firmly. The girls immediately stopped. "Rose can watch the match, Elisabette can go to bed early."

"But that's not fair!" Elisabette cried.

"You hurt your sister's feelings," Lavender told the one daughter. "You can either apologize and watch the match with her, or go to bed early." She paused before adding. "And if you watch the match, you cannot start any fights during it."

Elisabette huffed before scooting out of her chair. "I'm going to bed."

Lavender only nodded, reaching for Elisabette's plate and placing it over her own. "So I can watch it?" Rose asked hesitantly. Lavender took her empty plate and nodded.

After she grabbed Zabini's, she leaned down and murmured in Rose's ear. "Don't let her tell you that you can't do something. You can do anything as long as it makes you happy." It was poor advice, coming from her, but Rose's tears dried up and she nodded happily, kissing her mother on the cheek, before flouncing off to the living room, turning on the television. She turned up the volume and the announcer of the match was really loud to Lavender. But it couldn't have been louder than normal conversation for everyone else.

"I don't know what rugby is."

Lavender glanced at Zabini as she reached the sink, seeing him standing there awkwardly. "I don't watch it, so I'm not sure how she knows about it. It's a... a Muggle sport, sort of like Quidditch, but not at all, really. It's difficult to explain, but I'm sure she would if you wished to join her." Lavender glanced at the clock. "I have to leave in a half hour."

"What time in the morning will you be back?"

"Just after dawn," Lavender said quietly. She cast a charm on the dishes so they would clean magically, and glanced at Zabini. "I didn't know about her," Lavender said quietly. "I won't be her to you, so I won't get in the way of that. We've all lost something... You don't need to hide her." She gave a small shrug. "You should have had her instead of me. I won't replace her... I don't want to replace anyone. If we could eventually be friends, and that be all we have, that's more than fine with me."

His face changed, turning more guarded and closed off. The unwelcomed conversation. "I know."

So they understood each other then. Lavender didn't want him to think she wanted to make him forget Daphne Greengrass. Now that they were in for the long haul, she wanted him to understand that friendship was as much as she would ever look for. She couldn't live the rest of her life with someone that couldn't look at her.

She moved past him, careful not to touch him, and headed upstairs to the bathroom, but stopped and checked in on Elisabette.

She was crying. "Go away," the girl muttered.

"You know why you're in trouble," Lavender said quietly. "You hurt her feelings. It's something she enjoys."

"But it's stupid," Elisabette muttered. "It's for guys. All they do is get muddy and ruin their clothing. We're supposed to be alike in every way, but she likes that stuff and I like clothes."

Lavender had never had to deal with other children before. She was an only child, her parents not particularly child friendly, and so she was basing all this 'parenting' stuff off of movies and telly. "Just because you're twins doesn't mean you have to like the same stuff," Lavender insisted. "You two can be completely opposite, and that's okay. But you're sisters. You should love and support each other, even if it's different interests."

She crinkled her nose. "But we have to be the same. We're the same people."

"You're two different people that look similar," Lavender said softly. "Not the same person. What do you like to do?"

"Shop," Elisabette sniffled. She had a small stuffed animal on her lap, but Lavender couldn't tell what it was. "You shop with me twice a month. We have a lot of fun. But Rose doesn't like it. So she complains the whole time."

"Well, what about next time, it's just you and me. And Rose can stay home with your... dad?"

"But Daddy comes with us shopping!"

"Oh, well, we can figure something out," Lavender said awkwardly. "I need to go, though. So goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mum."

Lavender shut the bedroom door behind her before grabbing a few raggedy clothes, black with a few holes from where her hands would clench around the fabric, tearing it. She took a twenty minute shower, scrubbing her skin until it was red, getting rid of any scents that could possibly be on her. She took extra care with her hair. When she was finished, she smelt nothing but herself and she hesitated only a moment before dressing in her ratty clothing, apparating to the Shrieking Shack. A potion was waiting where it usually was, the faint scent of an elf with it, and Lavender drank the potion immediately. She never took chances that her condition could worsen. Her feet carried her to the bedroom and she sat on the bed, drawing her legs up close as the cracks in the walls showed her that it was moonrise.

And then the burning and itching began.


	8. Home

Her arms were raw from where she had scratched. Her skin felt like it was on fire. As she walked down the hillside, towards the back fence to her new home, the cold wind made her skin feel even redder. And Merlin, she was tired. There was a blanket draped over the fence door, which she took gratefully and wrapped it around herself. It felt good to be warm. The soft fabric soothed her aching skin, too.

There was a charm in it, thought she didn't know what it was, and the blanket contained no scents, though someone had to have put it there. Scents only made her scratches burn more... itch more.

Zabini was up when she pulled open the back door, sitting at the dining room table, a book and parchment stretched before him. Homework at dawn? He looked up when she entered and she nodded to him politely, shutting the door.

"The bedroom is open if you wish to sleep," he informed her. "You look as though you got none." Which meant she looked horrible. Meant she looked probably like a troll. Merlin, worse than a troll. She self-consciously smoothed down some hair, finding that a few strands had escaped her braid. She did look horrible. Unkept. Probably like a homeless bottom feeder.

But the offer... why offer the bed? He wanted her to sleep in it? With her? She didn't know. But she didn't want to risk that question. So she opted for the safe option. "No," she said shaking her head. "I didn't..." She would need to think on it. His scent suggested nothing untoward, no hidden agenda. The idea of the bed was tempting. "Did you sleep at all?" she asked.

"I'm always up at dawn," he informed her, and she recalled him saying such the day before.

"Right," Lavender muttered to herself. Idiot. He must have thought she had memory problems as well. She folded up the blanket, the warm house comforting her more than the blanket had. She shouldn't have forgotten. She cleared her throat. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I'm making tea."

She nodded to his unspoken question, that she would like some, though she would have to water it down considerably. "It has to be really weak," she spoke quietly. "With more milk than tea... otherwise the spice is too ... too strong." He nodded and watched as she placed the blanket across the back of an armchair in the sitting room. And her arms immediately hurt again, itching and reacting to the environment around her.

She rubbed them, as if trying to sooth them, and left Zabini to meander his way around the kitchen. She made her way up the stairs, the girl's faint heartbeats matching each step she took and she grabbed the uniform she had disgarded - folded and hidden under the sink, before setting it on the counter.

Once she stepped under the water, she hissed in pain. Her scratch marks hurt, stung even, in the hot liquid's assault. "Bloody Merlin," she murmured, taking a small potion that was always left at the door of the shack when the transformation was over. It was a healing potion, and she rubbed it gently along her arms, face, legs, and stomach. Anything she had scratched.

Minutes later, she felt much better and dressed in her uniform, but she really did just want to rest for the morning, perhaps in some pajamas... She considered it and instead grabbed her mended pajamas, the red Gryffindor silk, and changed into them, the soft fabric doing wonders for her less-irritated skin. She was exhausted, but there was a cup of tea waiting for her. She could hear Zabini place a cup on the counter before sipping out of another. So she used her wand to dry her hair and walked down the stairs, her hands grasping the warm cup as soon as she could reach it.

"Thank you," she said gratefully, quietly.

"Hungry?" he asked.

She shook her head, sitting opposite of him at the table. "I... I don't have much of an appetite after the moon... not for a few days, at least." She didn't look up from the table as she spoke. "If you're hungry-"

"I already ate," he interrupted. He waited for her to sip from her tea, before he continued. It was strong and she immediately spit it back out into the cup, but it was too discreet for him to possibly notice. But he had followed her instructions and put more milk than tea... the tea was just ... not good to her taste buds. But she didn't want to appear ungrateful. He had done it for her, she didn't know why, and it was something that she couldn't just throw away. "What side of the bed do you sleep on?"

"I... I don't know. My bed at home was a twin... Hogwarts beds are twins ... and the bed in the Shack is also a twin," Lavender admitted. She didn't glance up to see his face. "Why do you ask?"

"I sleep on the left side of the bed upstairs. You're welcome to the right."

She was quiet as she considered whether she should or not. She was exhausted, yes. She was almost falling asleep just talking to him. But she didn't quite know if it would be okay with him. While he did offer, he was raised with manners. And manners included offering someone a place to sleep if they looked like they needed it. It didn't necessarily mean he meant it.

"I..." But she really needed it. "That would be very nice... thank you."

"It's your bedroom too," he shrugged. He sipped from his tea and Lavender could smell a sort of spice from it. It was not in hers. Did he notice her scrape the spice off of the steak? She hoped not. It was horribly rude of her to do such a thing.

She finished her tea in silence, as he finished whatever essay he was working on, and she put her mug in the sink, rinsing it, before placing it on the drying rack. She turned to him, about to say something, but he was working diligently. She nodded to herself, heading once more up the stairs.

The bed was large, larger than any she had ever slept in. She sat down on the right side, reveling in its softness. She couldn't recall ever being in such a soft bed. Her bedroom at her parents consisted of the same bed she had had her entire childhood. It was lumpy, springy, and squeaked horribly. It reminded her much of the bed in the Shrieking Shack, though more intact.

This bed, however, didn't make a noise as she carefully pulled the covers back. It was like she was intruding upon Zabini's personal life. The sheets smelled of him, though she knew he hadn't slept on this side. But as the blankets rustled, his scent became even stronger. The death, the salt... it almost reminded her of the ocean, though she had only been a few times.

She fell back, leaving the bedroom door open, and her head crashed into the pillows. The same pillows he had given her the other day to take downstairs, for the couch. She didn't fall asleep right away. She closed her eyes and listened. Everyone in the neighboring houses was asleep. Some were snoring - which directly led to Ron and Seamus. She could hear the girls, quietly murmuring in their sleep.

And Zabini. She didn't know what to make of him. He was still working on his essay, as though she hadn't came in through the back door, red as a radish and looking disgusting. She always looked disgusting.

She fell asleep, listening to his quill scratch against the parchment.

When she awoke, there was breathing next to her. It made her freeze, her breathing stopping and then she opened her eyes, prepared to defend herself.

It was only one of the girls, but it was much too dark in the room for her to distinguish which of the twins. A quick glance at the clock as Lavender sat up told her that she had only been asleep for a few hours... it wasn't even ten in the morning.

"Morning," the girl said brightly.

"Rose! You weren't supposed to wake her," Elisabette complained, running into the room. Lavender glanced between the both of them.

"Why not?" Lavender asked, suspiciously.

"Because you always sleep in until lunch, when Daddy wakes you." She didn't know how she would have reacted if Zabini had woken her. It certainly wouldn't have been like yesterday, when she had accidentally fallen asleep. Lavender was still exhausted, but she knew that with their daily bustle, she would never be able to sleep.

"It's alright," Lavender sighed, getting up from the bed and quickly making it. Rose scooted off of the bed and fixed the rumpled fabric underneath her, before taking her mother's hand.

"There's left over breakfast, Mum, if you want it," Rose informed her, dragging her forward. "Daddy also made your favorite! French toast with strawberries."

She couldn't recall ever stating it was her favorite.

"Daddy forgot to make it this morning. He asked us what we wanted like he forgot," Elisabette pipped up. Forgot? Forgot what? She must have voiced this outloud, because Elisabette continued. "He always makes you your favorite breakfast after the full moon."

Oh. She was a little hungry... she supposed she could eat it.

A plate was left in her seat, a stasis charm keeping it warm. Merlin, it smelled amazing. She had never seen such good looking French toast. Zabini was in the living room, the morning Prophet spread across the coffee table, observing it very closely. It didn't strike her as odd. What put her on edge, however, was the blonde man sitting beside him, observing the same things he seemed to be.

Zabini didn't look up when she entered, but Malfoy did.

"Brown," he greeted, civilly. With an incline of his head, he glanced at the two kids. Perhaps he was only being civil because they were his best mates kids. Oh, Merlin, she was married to Malfoy's best mate. It hadn't seemed to be that big of a deal before, but with him in her sitting room... well... it meant seeing a lot of Malfoy.

"Malfoy," she squeaked in a small voice, her arms automatically crossing to shield herself. Worthless. She was worthless. She shouldn't be in his presence... He would remind her of that... Not only was she a Mudblood, but a half-breed... nothing better than mud... not even mud. Worse than mud. Lavender didn't know what was worse than mud.

His gray eyes met hers, seeming to notice that she was terrified of him. His almost pleasant tone disappeared and his eyes hardened as she stepped back from him on instinct. He had made her life hell before... She couldn't imagine what he'd do now.

Zabini looked up, noticing his mate tensing beside him, and saw Lavender's face. "Uh, the girls informed me you liked French toast. . . you okay?"

He was just asking because manners permitted it. He wasn't concerned. He was more concerned for his friend.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Malfoy said sharply. "They've blocked the spells I use with my wand to first year spells." She opened her mouth to say something, that it wasn't his wand she was afraid of, when he stood. She faltered back a few steps at the suddenness of it. Rose and Elisabette seemed oblivious to her actions, trying to find a game in the cabinet under the tv to play with. "I should be going."

He moved to go past her, but she found she couldn't move. She closed her eyes, breathing quickly. Merlin, she was going to hyperventilate.

"Worthless." Hearing the words from his mouth almost made her sob. She sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut even tighter than before. "Why would you be worthless, Brown?" Was he being rhetorical? Was he going to answer his own question?

Lavender didn't know, so she answered, her eyes still closed and her voice smaller than it had ever been. "Werewolves are worthless. Mudbloods are worthless. Put them together and I'm worthless. No one wants a werewolf in their home. No one wants a werewolf married to their best mate. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Please, I didn't plan this..." She sucked in a breath, her hands shaking as she flattened them against the wall behind her. "I know I'm not worthy of magic... I know I'm not worthy to be in the same room as you two... I know it, I know it, I know it..." She kept repeating the last phrase to herself, muttering now.

"Bloody hell," Malfoy muttered, and she heard him step back, as if surprised. "I... I wasn't calling you worthless, Brown... Stop." She stopped immediately, her eyes opened. He was difficult to see through the tears in her eyes, but she managed to see the stunned expression on his face, and the pity. She hated the pity.

"Call me names and move on," she said quietly. "Please, don't drag it out."

"You don't know what happened this summer, do you?" Zabini spoke suddenly, and he was closer, just behind Malfoy's shoulder. Were they ganging up on her?

"The war ended," Lavender swallowed. She wasn't an idiot... Did they think she was an idiot, too? A worthless idiot. A worthless, werewolf idiot. "And everyone went home... Everyone was happy and they all reunited with their families and they all had parties and invited all of their friends." No one invited Lavender. Or they had, but the mail had never reached her. She didn't know, but she strongly suspected the first one.

"Uh, no," Zabini said quietly. "Death Eaters were sent to prison. All of the Death Eaters still of school age... they were sent to a reform camp, to, uh... well, be retaught the principles forced into them by their parents." It made the tears stop, at least.

"What?" she asked. "That's... ridiculous."

"It was three months of hell, but it got us away from Azkaban, if you passed," Malfoy stated flatly.

"And if you didn't?" Lavender whispered.

"There's a reason Crabbe isn't here," Zabini answered. "And Nott. And a few others from our year."

"I... I had no idea."

"The Ministry watches our every move, listens to our every word," Malfoy spit to himself, rolling his eyes as he turned away from her. "You're not worthless, Brown. We're the worthless ones. One wrong word or action, and we're thrown in Azkaban, and I mean that quite literally."

"They're tracking me," Lavender admitted after a moment of silence. Her breathing was evening out and her face was turning back to her normal palor. Oh, Merlin. She didn't have any make-up on. She had literally just rolled out of bed. She must look like a troll. "I know what it's like. If I'm not in control... when the official visits, to assess whether I should register or not... I could be kicked out of school. If I'm kicked out of school, no one will look at me... I'll never get a job, I'll never..." She supposed she was married now. She bit her lip. "It's all I think about. I have to be in control all the time... If I slip, if I show them what I'm hiding..." She tightened her arms around herself to prove her point. She wouldn't have anything. "They placed a charm on me to track where I go. They ... they do tests on me... they did, when it first happened." She dropped her gaze, swallowing. "I'm sorry for reacting the way I did... I ... I had no idea."

"Yeah, well, good for you," Malfoy spoke. "Prefer you didn't know and act like that than-"

"It's not my fault for my reaction," Lavender interrupted. "Okay, maybe part of it, but... you chose him, in front of everyone... Granted that was after I got knocked out so I didn't see for myself, but..." She glanced up to see Malfoy's face pinched. "You were on our side. You were fighting with us, and you walked across the courtyard to him. I don't know what to think of you... what your actions towards me would have been." She swallowed, stepping away from them, feeling trapped.

"Yeah, well, we all have futures taken from us, don't we?" Malfoy said, glancing between the two other teens. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm leaving, mate. I'll, uh... yeah, I'll stop by tomorrow, probably." He glanced at Lavender once more, hesitating. "You were friends with Patil, right?"

Lavender hesitated. "We haven't spoken in months."

"All she bloody does is cry," Malfoy informed her. "I haven't even talked to her. What's the problem?"

"Give her a juicy piece of gossip," Lavender muttered. "That always cheers her up."

"Seriously, Brown?" Malfoy snapped.

"Seriously, Malfoy. Tell her one of the first year Slytherins is toad or something in disguise." Lavender shrugged, hugging her arms to her body. "She likes gossip. They both do."

And it was only a matter of time until they gossiped about her. It had happened frequently in school. They would whisper to each other and giggle, before looking at Lavender and telling her something that Lavender had already told them. She knew it was about her. It always was when they giggled to themselves.

She kept her eyes lowered and waited until she heard the front door shut, before she let out a quiet breath.

"You okay?"

She stiffened, forgetting he was so close. "Fine," she said under her breath.

"You didn't sleep long," Zabini stated.

"I can't," she responded. "Why.. why did you let me sleep in? There are classes-"

"Granger copied the schedules and a few of us agreed that we're going to adjust to... this mess first." Mess. Their life was a mess. "But work on our work at home until we're ready for classes." He glanced down at her pajamas. "I... uh, will take the couch. I think you could use some rest. You haven't slept in a few days."

She was still tired, but the French toast sitting on the counter made her more hungry. "Thanks for making this."

"It's weird, don't you think?" he questioned. "They have memories of routines we don't have."

"McGonagall said that they mimic the future - according to Trelawney's visions." Lavender grabbed a fork from the drawer, taking a few seconds to locate it, before she pulled the plate towards her, standing across the counter from Zabini. "So, maybe it's a routine we have in the future? I don't know."

Zabini shrugged, glancing towards the girls who had begun playing Clue. "Yeah, well, it's fucking weird."

She knew it was. It left Lavender feeling disoriented. And confused. She dropped her gaze to the plate and cut into it, Zabini leaving her alone to go finish reading the paper. As soon as Lavender finished, she washed the plate and fork, and then headed back upstairs, shutting the door all but leaving a crack, and then slid back into the bed once more, this time the sleep crashing over her like a wave.


	9. Useful

Lavender Brown woke to the most delicious aroma. Vanilla ice cream. Someone was eating vanilla ice cream downstairs. Her hearing adjusted so that she could hear the distinct sound of two spoons scraping against a bowl. Two people, then. She glanced at the alarm clock beside her and sighed quietly.

It was well in the afternoon. Her arms felt heavy, but soothed and she slid out of the bed, her pajamas cool against her skin and she dug into her trunk, trying to find something resembling a decent outfit. And then a thought struck her.

"It's Saturday..." It was Hogsmeade weekend. Well, apparently every Saturday was Hogsmeade weekend now, but... She needed new make-up desperately. She had, maybe, three galleons to her name. Make-up would be a few sickles. She wouldn't last the year.

She dressed in the clothing and grabbed a few galleons before heading downstairs. The girls were sitting at the bar, eating ice cream from Madame Puddifoots. And Zabini was sittring something in a pot - it was more ice not Madame Puddifoots, then... Homemade.

"Are you making ice cream?" Lavender whispered.

Zabini glanced at her in surprise, before glancing towards the girls. "Apparently I do this often. Wasn't aware."

"There are a lot of things we aren't aware of," Lavender agreed. She glanced out the window and saw a few people frequenting the village. "I'm going to head into town for a few minutes. Buy a few things... I'll be back."

"Er, yeah, sure." He kept stirring whatever it was and Lavender nodded, moving towards the door. "Brown?" She turned, glancing at him in surprise. "There's some galleons on the table, if you need them."

"Oh..." And poor. A poor werewolf. "I have some, but ... thanks."

She saw him nod once, turning back to the pot on the counter and begin stirring once more. Hogsmeade was full of students, and family, and friends. People from all over the Wizarding World. Many people she didn't recognize, but she felt like they recognized her, were watching her.

Her gaze traveled to the Three Broomsticks, where Hermione and Neville were walking, their children close to them. And in the wind carried a scent... Hermione's scent and Lavender was struck by how familiar it was.

Because she had smelt the same thing in Shrieking Shack just that morning. Remus Lupin. That was the scent that had been hiding on her.

Before she even knew it, she was standing there, grabbing Hermione's arm. "Can I talk to you... alone for a minute?"

"I'll be fine," Neville insisted, as Hermione gave him a glance. But the look on his face showed a bit of surprise. Suprise that Lavender would approach them? Did that mean he thought she shouldn't have? Her grip on Hermione's arm loosened and she dropped it, swallowing.

"We can go to Honeydukes," Hermione said after a moment. Lavender nodded, not really knowing why she needed to talk to Hermione, but just knowing she did. A feeling. Hermione led the way and Lavender followed quickly, biting her lip in exasperation. "What's this about?" Hermione asked curiously. Always trying to learn.

"Did Professor Lupin ever attack you?"

"He wasn't in his right mind," Hermione immediately defended. "He had no idea who we were-"

Lavender grabbed her arm, making Hermione pause. "You misunderstand... That's not what I was getting to... I know you remember it, but... I don't think that's what happened."

"I don't understand," Hermione admitted.

Lavender glanced towards the crowd around them, the many smells, the sights... she took Hermione's arm, pulling her away from it all, towards an alley behind Honeydukes. "Did he growl at you?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Did he attack you or... or them? The boys?"

"I'd say all of us-"

"But mostly the boys," Lavender murmured. Lavender tried to think, to put a meaning to it. Why did her instincts tell her to bring it up? Why did her wolf bristle at the scent? "He wasn't attacking you... he was attacking them."

"What?"

"No one takes the news of someone being a werewolf without... without a blink of the eye... but you did - when you found out. You didn't even care about-"

"Well, of course not, and I don't care that you-"

"Lupin was your mate, you were his mate," Lavender whispered. "Don't you see? It explains everything! Why you're his son's godmother. Why he left you things in his will - things he didn't even leave Harry. Why you were his favorite student and why he regretted his marriage so much-"

"Lavender!" Hermione gasped. "You-"

"You know it's true," Lavender insisted. "Please, don't deny it. You know it's true-"

"There was nothing going on between Remus and I," Hermione promised. "I swear on my-"

"If you say you swear on your magic, and you're lying, you will lose your magic," Lavender said when she didn't finish. Lavender released her arm, sucking a sharp breath. "I'm sorry," she apologized. Too much strength. Oh, Merlin, she had forgotten all about her strength. She glanced down at the woman's arm, seeing her hand print already forming. "I'm sorry," Lavender repeated. "I'm in control, I swear it-"

"I know you are," Hermione whispered. "Merlin, what did they do to you? Parvati mentioned experiments-"

"Nothing," Lavender insisted. "They didn't..." Lavendered squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath. "Did you know the two of you were mates? You smell like him... I can smell it on you... In the wind, yesterday - the day before... It follows you, no matter how much you clean yourself... I can smell it-"

"I... I knew," Hermione admitted quietly. "But nothing happened. He was with Tonks, and he stayed with Tonks. I only knew right before we went on the run... He loved Tonks, Tonks loved him... And I didn't love anyone."

"April sixteenth," Lavender whispered. The date just seemed to stand out. "Why is April sixteenth important?"

"That's Teddy's birthday... and the day we were rescued from Malfoy Manor."

"Why do you smell like him?" Lavender questioned. "Is he alive? I mean, after all of this, I'd imagine being a werewolf he'd want to lie low... hide - fake his death maybe. He's not the only one-"

"I don't know, Lavender. And no he's not alive. You're delusional if you think I smell like him." Lavender felt her emotions close off. Delusional. She was delusional. "Because I don't." And with that, Hermione walked off, rubbing the mark Lavender had left on her arm. Delusional and abusive. She was dangerous... dangerous to all of them.

She quickly went to the beauty shop, purchasing her make-up, which cost her precisely two sickles. Just to be on the safe side, she bought extra foundation for her scar... she didn't want to waste any money, but she also didn't want to be horrible... disgusting.

And she hurried home... home, she hadn't even meant to call it that. It wasn't her home. No where was her home... Unless home counted as a place she could hide away from everyone in. The Shrieking Shack.

As soon as she walked through the door, Zabini slid a bowl of vanilla ice cream on the counter towards her. And then he bowled a bit for himself. The girls were done, it seemed, and two washed bowls were on the drying rack beside the sink.

"Is it busy?" Zabini asked casually.

"Why are you nice?" Lavender countered suddenly. "Why do you... ask questions like you care?" He didn't care. He shouldn't care.

"Like you said, friends would be nice," Zabini admitted. She didn't even know if she had friends anymore. She accepted the bowl, however, and walked quietly towards the table, sitting in the seat she had occupied the night before for dinner. He sat across from her, taking a spoonful of the ice cream and glancing towards the girls as they played in the sprinkler.

She kept her gaze to the table, tasting the ice cream. It was delicious... so delicious that she closed her eyes in pleasure. Bloody hell, could he make anything he wanted in the kitchen? Because she was pretty sure he could.

"So, did you buy anything good?"

She glanced up sharply, confused. "What?"

"In Hogsmeade," he clarified.

"I, uh... I ran out of make-up..." She dropped her gaze as she cleared her throat. "So... I got some more."

"You didn't buy anything else?" he asked.

She shook her head gently. He was quiet when she didn't offer a verbal response and she slowly diminished her ice cream supply.

He rose from the table, finished with his ice cream, when she spoke. "Your mother..." He paused. "Will... what she said..."

"She's a little crazy," Zabini said carefully. "She said a lot of things-"

Lavender lifted her gaze. "I'm not going to let her dictate how I raise a family... because it's my family, too."

Zabini snorted. "She won't touch them. We'll both make sure of that." She took a deep breath, relieved that he felt the same way, and glanced towards the girls. "How often do you sleep?"

"Not often," Lavender admitted. "Do you sleep well? I'd imagine... no one does, these days."

"Not a bit," Zabini said shortly. "Anyway, if you ever want the bed, just ask. I'll take the couch." Kindness... completely for show. For the girls, maybe for the parole. She didn't know, but she knew it wasn't for her. "What happened this morning, with Draco-"

"I'd rather we forget about it," Lavender murmured.

"What tests did they do on you, Brown?"

Lavender sucked in a sharp breath, thinking back to the hours and hours, days of torture. "What didn't they do would probably be an easier question to answer... I'd imagine it was a lot like what your camp was... demoralizing, degrading... the Ministry strips you bear and then gives you everything it wants to arm you with - and considering both of our circumstances... as powerless as possible."

"You said they're tracking you?"

"If a bloody thirsty attack happens in the same village I visit, within a few hours... it's pinned on me," Lavender said quietly. "And they'll put me down, just like a dog, because that's all I am... If I hurt someone... like I did Granger today... they can detain me and... and the tests will start all over again. And if I kill someone... they won't hesitate in killing me - even if it's self defense." She gave a bitter smile. "I'd imagine what you went through must have been a bit better than that lecture every twenty minutes..."

"What we went through... I guarantee it wasn't nearly as great as the treatment you got. Yours sounds like a walk down the street." She wished it had been. His bowl settled in the sink, and it began to clean itself. He leaned on the counter, the bar, and looked down at her... with some semblance of respect. It was something, at least. "First day of camp I was at home, in my bed, sleeping - I hadn't done much of it, not with the funerals and the trials and the war payments my family had to pay... But, all of the sudden, Aurors were surrounding me, grabbed my wand, and then dragged me out of bed to a location that I still don't know where it is..."

"But that's unethical-"

"Yes, well, they're the Ministry. They don't care about a Death Eater's comfort," Zabini said sarcastically. "Tea?"

"No, thank you." He moved to make some himself, but he still kept talking.

"Then I realize, everyone else is there. Nott, Draco, Pansy, Millie, Flint... Astoria ... everyone that walked through Hogwarts in the last seven years that bore the mark. All in various states of undress - it was two in the morning, afterall. Then, they stripped us almost bare... made us stand there in the night, and they showed us all of the pictures of all of the files that the Dark Lord had been involved with - murders, beatings... tortures... everything they had-"

"But... there are some of you that didn't take the Mark on purpose... you were forced to-"

"We were all treated the same. And then... we're sitting there, in the dirt, still all in our underwear... and we didn't have a tent or a bed or a fire... just dirt and grass and a cold meal every morning and every night. And pictures. Everywhere you looked, there were pictures." Lavender glanced at him as he seemed to go back there, a far off look in his eye. "And no matter how many faces it showed - people I knew, people I didn't... all I would see was her... That's how they got you. They found out ... about her... and that's all they showed me after that. Pictures of Daph, just... laying there... She wasn't even a Death Eater." He sucked on his lip, shaking his head. "And they kept showing it, and showing it, and showing it to me until I broke... And then the lectures started. And they Muggle politics - Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill... and to counter it, they'd show what he was like... compared. They loved Adolph Hitler... loved to show pictures of this... this place where people were tortured... fed next to nothing-"

"The Holocaust," Lavender whispered. She stood from the table, taking a step closer to him. "That was the Holocaust."

"That's what it was," Blaise said quietly. "And then they'd change the names. So that the Jewish people became the Muggleborns, and they used this ... Muggle something to change the faces of the people in the pictures to your friends, your family, your schoolmates... It's all fun and games when you're preaching something and not really seeing it... but once you see it, you actually see the people that you once thought were beneath you dead..." He swallowed. "It broke a lot of them. Draco was first. Pansy shortly afterwards."

"And Millicent?"

"She didn't even make it to that stage. All they had to do was show her a picture of Rabastian and tell her that if she didn't cooperate, she'd be thrown in a cell with him." Blaise chuckled darkly. "That sure broke her, and they didn't even expect it to work."

"What about the others?" Lavender asked. "You said if you didn't pass the camp-"

"Nott was close... maybe another week, he probably would have made it... Flint was... Flint laughed at the pictures, spit on the Aurors, he was gone ... they snapped his wand after he tried to kill Astoria, sent him away. And Astoria..." He closed his eyes, almost as if it was painful to think about. "She's young. She didn't have the Mark, but... but her father did and Mr. Greengrass, when he was being detained, told the Aurors that his daughters helped him... So she was brought to this camp where she didn't all the brainwashing. She already didn't believe it. So when she broke... she broke. She tried to run, tried to go home to her mother and Daph's grave... and when they caught her..." He shook his head. "She wasn't Astoria anymore. They ruined her there. She's in the Psych ward at St. Mungo's, trying to lose the memories of what she saw... to go back to normal, but of course the Ministry doesn't care about her... She's nothing to them."

"Does the public know?" Lavender whispered. "What happened there?"

"Oh, absolutely," Blaise snorted. "They all voted for it. Anyone in the Wizengamot that didn't support it were labeled as Death Eater allies and investigated."

"But that's not justice," Lavender whispered. "That's precisely what causes people like Voldemort to come to power - the wrong people get angry and the public would do anything to keep the person that appeals to them in power- Like Hitler. That's exactly what happened to him."

Blaise took a deep breath before straightening. "Yes, they told us that, too." Lavender stood there, a few feet away from him, shifting slightly. Did they just have a conversation...? Like, an honest conversation? Lavender felt uneasy about it. Did he want to know what happened at her 'tests'? She didn't think she could talk about them.

"Do you and Finnegan have something going on?" Zabini asked her suddenly as she grabbed her bowl from the table, looking for something to do, something to stop her hands from fidgeting.

Seamus? But... "No," Lavender said softly.

"Do you wish there was?" Zabini continued. Did she? Yes. She really did. And if none of the war had ever happened to her... she could imagine that they'd be something by now - at least she hoped that would have been the case.

"He has a bright future ahead of him," Lavender informed him, stepping past him, careful not to touch him, and setting her bowl in the sink. "I don't wish to ruin that."

"But it's okay for me?"

"We didn't have a choice... I didn't have a choice but to... to ruin your future." She washed the bowl the Muggle way, gently using a sponge to suds up the bowl and she scrubbed. "I prefer to be alone... and I can tell you do as well. We don't... have the chemistry we had with other people... That's okay, I suppose. Seamus may say that he wants me to be his partner, but he really doesn't... The only reason he wants me as his partner is for the sex and..." She swallowing, glancing towards him to see his reaction. "That's not going to happen."

He looked as though what she said was obvious. Was it that obvious? He crossed his arms, leaning back and watching her was the bowl. "We were getting married, Daph and I."

"You don't have to talk about her," Lavender said softly. "I'd imagine it must hurt-"

"We were neutral," Zabini continued. "We both wanted nothing to do with the war. We went to Italy most of the summer between sixth and seventh, stayed with my family... but my step-father found me, asked for my service, or I'd be disinherited... And, of course, I couldn't say no. Daph and I needed the money if we were going to live properly." She swallowed, setting the bowl on the drying rack and approaching the bowl he had stirred ice cream in, seeing that there was some left. She went looking for a container to store it in as he continued. "That fall, we went to Hogwarts and Snape took over... it was fine, for a while, but I started to get called away... asked to torture first years..." Lavender tried to focus on what she was looking for, but all she could hear was him. And she didn't want to hear this. She didn't want to know how cruel he was capable of being.

"I hated it," Zabini spoke up, dryly. "They were just kids. Barely knew magic... Daph hated it. Asked me to stop going, but I told her I couldn't - because if I deserted, they would kill me, kill her... When the battle happened and they were evacuating people, I told Daph to go to my family in Italy. They'd keep her safe until it was over... but Draco pulled me away and... well, Daph didn't want to leave. She stayed, she fought... on your side... and she died. It was Mr. Malfoy that did it." Lavender still, glancing towards him at the sudden bitter tone in his voice. His own best friend's father. "She was like his cousin or something... and he was spouting about how his family couldn't turn traitor..." He nodded to himself, as if that was that. "I found her in the Astronomy Tower, Malfoy heading down the stairs."

"Zabini-"

"The Healers came, took her to the infirmary, but it was already too late." He cleared his throat. "She had been pregnant." Lavender jerked in surprise. "Not for too long, but... She knew. She knew and she wouldn't leave."

"It was her choice," Lavender said quietly. "You can't blame yourself for that."

"I should have made her go," Zabini answered. "I should have apparated her away myself, before returning."

"Would you have returned?" Lavender asked quietly. "If I had a choice, like that... If I was you, I would have stayed away."

"Where's your Gryffindor bravery?"

She smiled slightly, shrugging. "It's what turned me into this ... this thing. If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn't have stayed to fight."

"What if your attendance meant your side won?"

"Better a Mudblood than this," Lavender answered. It was true. Everyone in the entire Wizarding World thought it. Only blood reforms were passing, not creature reforms. No matter what Mr. Rhodes said, she had seen the history of werewolf reforms. All reforms didn't go far for werewolves. They never made it even close to the Minister.

"Don't call yourself that," Zabini muttered to himself. Lavender barely heard him. Stronger, he continued. "Do you know what his plans were? For Muggles and Muggleborns?" She shook her head slowly. She didn't need to ask who he was. They knew. "Slavery, Brown. It was disgusting. Women would be sold to Masters, then sold to other men." Lavender didn't need more explanation to understand. She grimaced, furrowing her brow. "Men would be given hard labor, labor most people wouldn't be able to successfully endure for too long. Would you really prefer that over what you've become? You aren't even a full werewolf."

"Would he have killed half-breeds?"

"Some. Some he finds useful. Vampires, for example. Useful because they're fast, can kill with a bite... some werewolves, like Greyback. They have influence, strength, age... the older the werewolf the stronger." She nodded, she knew. "Young ones would have been killed." Her. "He also was fond of giants and centaurs. Ancestral. Those are the only ones that would have survived, and even then their numbers would be decreased to near extinction."

She was quiet, thinking that maybe death would have been preferable. Suddenly, she spoke up. "How can Malfoy be your best mate, yet his father did that to you?" Lavender saw him tense. "Doesn't he... ever remind you of it?"

"We're best mates... He didn't answer his father's call to walk across the courtyard. It was his mother. He doesn't believe in anything his father said. And I believe that. He loved Daph, too. He would never have killed her... Draco's never killed anyone. He wouldn't. He doesn't have it in him to do that."

"And you do?" Lavender pressed. She dropped her gaze, shaking her head. She found a container, hurriedly approaching the bowl as she tried to erase the question. "Nevermind... I... I don't want to know."

"If I killed anyone?"

"Don't tell me," Lavender continued quietly. He picked a few pieces of lint off of his designer shirt. Merlin, he had money out his arse, didn't he? "Please."

"Millie wants to come over... bring the kids. And Finnegan, for dinner... if that's okay with you."

"Of course," Lavender said softly. "What should I-?"

"There's a grill outback," Zabini said, interrupting her. "I'm thinking of grilling out."

"Oh-okay, I can-"

"I've got it. What kind of meat do you want? Steak, chicken, pork?"

"Whichever," Lavender said quietly. He glanced at her, but she continued. "Do you need me to make anything? I can-"

"I've got it," he repeated, a little firmer. Lavender swallowed the rest of her words, dropping her gaze and nodding. She placed the ice cream into the freezer, listening to him as he shifted in his position. She moved past him, her eyes darting to the children outside. "But, if you want, I could use some help with a few extra things."

She turned, seeing him heading towards the pantry. He wanted her help? She nodded, though he didn't see. "Sure," she said quietly. She could help. Because helping meant she was actually being useful for once.


	10. Mutual Understanding and Ostracization

Lavender shifted idly as Seamus settled beside her, his arm almost brushing against her own. He had chosen to sit between her and Millicent, and the blonde beauty seemed less than thrilled.

The food had been eaten, leftovers stored, and the children howled with laughter as they played in the back. It worried Lavender, them playing in the dark, and she was gripping her glass tighter than she should have been. She knew that. It worried her. Though they weren't real, they were still... well, they still were children, weren't they? They breathed, they cried, they felt emotions.

Just like she did. But she supposed a plant could do all of those at the same time, couldn't they? Fear responses, and evaporation from the leaves... it was called something, Lavender remembered from her schooling in the Muggle world, and they breathed in toxic air and out clean.

It was more than Lavender did. A plant was actually better than her, in that regards. A plant wasn't scrutinized.

The kids shrieked yet again outside and it made her jerk, just slightly, until she was under the scrutinizing gaze of Seamus. "Everything alright?" he asked under his breath.

She simply nodded, shifting in the silence again.

"Well I don't know about you lot, but I think we should pass around a few shots of Firewhiskey. It's almost like we're about to kill Potter together or something, all solemn and what not-" The statement from Seamus made Zabini almost jerk, and then his fist clenched, as if he was in pain.

Millicent, too, seemed upset by his statement.

"The weather's nice," Lavender commented quietly. "Cool for September, but it's going to be warmer tomorrow." She knew those things. She could feel the pressure in the air, and despite the dry chill they've had most of August, a warm breeze drifted in through the open back door.

"Do you like the outdoors?" Millicent questioned, her voice equally as quiet.

Lavender didn't expect the question and she stiffened, her fingers gripping the glass even tighter. "No. I tend to-" She gasped as her grip broke the glass in her hands, causing water to seep into the floor and her jeans. And a few cuts were sliced into her palm. "Oh! I-I'm sorry-"

Seamus stopped her from cleaning it up and Lavender felt tears of embarrassment burn in her eyes. "I'll get it. You go take care of your hand," Seamus offered.

"I know a few healing spells, if... if you'll let me," Milicent asked hesitantly.

Lavender nodded, her gaze stuck to her stinging, bleeding hand, and she moved towards the kitchen, Millicent excusing herself to follow. "I don't like outside," Lavender answered the woman as she quietly extracted the glass, after placing a numbing spell on Lavender's hand. "Especially at night."

"I don't like the indoors," Millicent said quietly. "Especially the castle. And at night. I'd prefer to be outside, or in a wide open room where I can see everything." She gave Lavender a small smile. "The war has ruined me."

"Me too," Lavender said quietly.

Lavender didn't know what had happened to the woman, and Lavender certainly didn't want to pry. She knew that Millicent had been a Death Eater, but she didn't know what exactly Millicent had done. She just knew Rabastian was involved - and by the way Millicent seemed tense around Seamus, she'd guess that it wasn't anything pleasant.

"Seamus is a really wonderful guy," Lavender said quietly. "He loves to just have fun and make everyone happy. When we were refugees, he'd do his best to give us a laugh when we'd get the evening report of the dead."

"He's tried a few jokes in the house," Millicent admitted. "And I want to believe he is nice, but I don't know him well enough to trust him." Lavender didn't blame her. With what she probably went through, Lavender didn't think she'd trust anyone either. "Blaise is kind. He was always the kindest of us, the most understanding and ... he always would listen to any problems we had to tell." Millicent gave Lavender a shy smile. "You may not like him, but he'd never hurt you. No matter what the situation is. And... I know it's scary to be married to someone you don't know - I know the feeling, but Blaise is probably the best person you could have married."

"His mother threatened to tell the Ministry that I was a beast," Lavender said dryly. Millicent didn't seem surprised. "He defended me, at least... A little bit." Lavender stared at the blood seeping from the wound in her hand as Millicent worked out the last bits of glass. "So I think he can be a good man. But I question how much of it is for show, and how much of it is because of the Ministry's threat on you guys."

"The Ministry can't do much else to us," Millicent muttered darkly. "They've taken everything else they could from us. Believe me, Blaise isn't putting on any show. He loathes the Ministry just as much as you do, probably. They aren't to be trusted. And I think this whole marriage scam is proof of that. We were supposed to have a normal year, a year to grieve."

"And instead we're experiments," Lavender admitted. Millicent snorted and Lavender found that even that was perfect. "I wish you had been with Blaise, and I had been with Seamus. I think we would have been a lot more comfortable with people we knew."

"We're with who we are for a reason. The professors paired us, not the Ministry, so they're doing something right," Millicent said after a moment. "I trust the professors to know us well enough to make our matches. Who knows, maybe you and Blaise will find something in common that you never expected." She set the last piece of glass on the counter and cast a few healing charms on Lavender's hand, before removing the numbing charm. "I know Seamus and I already have Ireland's quidditch teams in common. I'm sure there's more than that."

"We're both quiet," Lavender said after a second of thought. "And we both wish our lives turned out differently."

"We all wish our lives were different," Millicent admitted with a small laugh. "You'll find it. You may not even realize it at first, but you'll find it."

Lavender ran her hand across her palm, feeling the slightly raised bumps from where the scarring skin had swollen. "Thank you."

"I mentioned outside, and... it made you anxious," Millicent guessed. "I'm sorry."

"It's my fault," Lavender muttered. "I'm on edge. The moon, this law... it's stressing me out more so than I was over the summer." Millicent gave her small smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think Blaise will be very happy with you. You're very nice, and shy... and maybe you weren't before, but he's going to be very happy with you." Lavender didn't know where the compliments came from. Had Blaise and Malfoy told her about how she had the breakdown? Likely. The Slytherins were close, and no doubt had no secrets.

"But you're perfect," Lavender blurted. "You're beautiful, and sweet, and so nice, and your laugh is beautiful, you smell like chocolate, and everything you do is perfect. And you're perfect. And you deserve someone as perfect as you. And that's definitely Zabini. Or Seamus. Or even Harry... You're just so perfect that you deserve everyone."

Millicent flushed and Lavender found that it made her eyes look even greener. Her eyes darted out to the living area, where Seamus and Zabini were picking up glass pieces, in a conversation that was quiet. Lavender couldn't make anything out. She suspected magic was involved. "I know tonight was awkward, but can we please meet again? Maybe at the Three Broomsticks, and just talk... Pansy's overbearing sometimes, and I'd just like to have a nice conversation away from the boys."

Lavender felt herself nodding. "Sure... Just tell me when. I'm always free."

"How's this Thursday night?" she asked, glancing back to Lavender hopefully. "I know that the moon isn't that night, and ... it's not the weekend, so it'll be fairly empty."

Lavender flushed slightly. She was putting the moon into account. Like she believed Lavender would attack her on a moon in the first place. Lavender didn't know. She had never been near people on the moon. But she supposed it was a possibility.

"Thursday sounds great. You might need to remind me," Lavender admitted quietly. "I forget things easily. And I'll write it down, but then I'll forget to look where I wrote it."

"Sure," Millicent insisted. "I look forward to it." She waved her wand, vanishing the bloodied glass on the counter and it was spotless. "We understand each other, a little bit. We know what it's like to be broken down, and then weighed under water until we don't fight anymore."

"You can't breath," Lavender agreed softly. "You feel like there's a massive weight on your shoulders and chains holding your body tight. And words being whispered into your ears, telling you what you should be doing."

"And the faces you see when you close your eyes are the people that you hurt, the people that hurt you," Millicent continued. "And though you know you're in a better place, you wonder if the ones you've hurt are too."

"Have you hurt anyone?"

Millicent gave a sad smile. "How do you think you survive the Mark?"

Lavender didn't want to know. She didn't want to know how many people had to be hurt for an induction. How many people had to be killed. How many people were tortured relentlessly. She really, really didn't want to know. Because even though Millicent was sweet, there was no doubt in Lavender's mind that she had killed someone. Just as there was no doubt in her mind that Blaise did as well.

Lavender gave Millicent a weak smile, suppressing her panic attack for when they left. For when Blaise sent the girls upstairs to bed. Lavender took the pile of glass off the coffee table, and sent it to the trash with a flick of her wand, and Seamus gave her an easy smile.

"All patched up, then, love?"

Lavender lifted her hand, wiggling her fingers as Seamus glanced at the small scars. "Yeah. Thanks, Millicent."

"Anytime," Millicent said quietly, and Lavender could smell a bit of fear on her, tainting the chocolate scent. Seamus was spring grass, leather. Like Quidditch. And Millicent... definitely chocolate, but the fear was overwhelming. Was she that terrified of Seamus? Merlin, had Seamus tried something?

"We were just about to leave," Seamus admitted, giving her a grin. "It's Sunday and the kids have day care tomorrow and we've got class." He winked. "Listen to me. I sound like a real grown up."

"You are a real grown up," Lavender reminded him. "You're nineteen."

Seamus shrugged. "Doesn't count if you're still in school." Lavender felt a real smile creep up and flit across her face. Seamus's grin got even wider.

"Hey, Brown, why don't you go with Finnegan to bring the girls in. I'd like to talk to Millie alone for a second," Blaise requested, his body planted in his seat once more, but his eyes were on Millicent, narrowed slightly as if assessing her. Did he notice her fear and tenseness?

"Sure," Lavender said quietly.

She walked to the back door and slide it open, but hesitated. Seamus seemed to notice as he stepped across the threshold, but she remained. "You don't go out in it, do you?"

She swallowed and stepped carefully onto the grass, a pool of panic settling into her stomach. Seamus's goodnatured grin dropped into one of concern. "I got real worried when I didn't hear from you all summer," Seamus admitted. "I contacted everyone, but they all assumed you were at your parents. So I went there and you weren't there... They hadn't seen you either."

She glanced up in surprise. He gave her a lopsided smile and it was the smile she loved so much. Lavender had missed him so much over the summer. "I was a right mess," Seamus said quietly.

"It was dangerous," Lavender said softly. "The Ministry was watching me, making sure my recovery was manageable. And I was in the Infirmary until the next moon." Seamus glanced towards the children, and Lavender followed his gaze. They were sitting in the grass, giggling as they talked to one another. Connor seemed to be handling himself just fine among the three girls. "And I liked to be alone, because it wasn't as overwhelming. Learn my new senses. I should have written... I'm sorry."

"What did they do to you?" Seamus asked. And his eyes met hers before she could look away. She found that once they met, she couldn't look away, because he was concerned - so concerned that her heart ached. "You aren't the Lavender I knew in school. Not even in the war. You're... scared of everything. Why?"

She felt tears gathering in her eyes and Seamus stepped towards her, hugging her. It was so comforting. The grass, his warm body. As he held her, she held him back, holding him as close as he could get without hurting him. "It was horrible."

"Did they hurt you?"

"Not at first," Lavender whispered into his chest. He seemed to hear because his hand began to rub up and down her back, soothingly. "I just remember waking up and feeling pain everywhere. I wasn't allowed to talk, because it would open my stitches on my face. And Madame Pomfrey showed me in a hand mirror what I looked like." She sobbed.

"Shhh, it's alright. You're still beautiful, love. You'll always be beautiful, and sexy, and my Lavender." His Lavender. Just as he was her Seamus.

"And once I was healed enough, they started to do experiments. They'd put collars and leashes on me, and force me to walk around the ruins of the castle, smelling all the dead bodies - not the actual bodies, but the scents that lingered. And it was awful. I wanted to... I wanted to run so badly, but the collar wouldn't let me. It would shock me every time I smelt where a body had been sitting. And they told me to kill people was awful, like I didn't already know. And then they found a body in the rubble one day, a Death Eater..." She couldn't. She couldn't say it. She could see the mangled body in her mind, the black robes. She hadn't recognized the man, but she could smell the decay on him. The rotting flesh in the hot month of June.

"What happened?"

"They put us both in the same room together, and I had no food, or water for days... and all I could do was stare at him. And all I wanted to do was eat. And I wanted to so badly. But I never did," She pulled away, meeting his eyes and he was horrified. With her? She was going to lose Seamus. The Ministry had taken Seamus away from her, too... They were going to. "I never ate him, but I wanted to. I was so hungry. And I could smell the meat and ... I'm a monster."

"No, they're the monsters," Seamus said firmly. "They should never have done that. They should know that you're not a threat."

"And then Bill Weasley showed up. He burst through the door, grabbed me, and began shouting at everyone. Telling them I was a teenage girl, that had just been attacked, and they were traumatizing me. And he kept telling them that this was unacceptable, that I had fought for the Order. And ... and when Kingsley arrived, he fired the workers that had put me in the room with the body, and they admitted..." The words choked in her throat as another sob came up. "The two men that found the body and walked me around on a leash and ... and called me names like Wolfie and Fluffy and Spot... They weren't supposed to do it at all. They were just supposed to put some raw steaks in front of me and see how I reacted." She wiped at her eyes, and sniffled. "But they wanted to have fun with the werewolf because I couldn't have done anything about it. I couldn't have filed a complaint, because nothing would have been done - no action carried out. They put me in a room with a rotting body because they thought it would be funny if I ate it."

"Oh, Lavender," Seamus said quietly.

"Bill beat them to a pulp and Kingsley turned the blind eye, but... it was too late. Worthless. I'm worthless. No laws protect me from anything. No rights... Kingsley had to put a Trace on me, in case I do kill people. He kept telling me that they shouldn't have done what they did, that the Ministry doesn't condone their actions, but I knew that he was lying, because those men did it so that they could tell their friends in the Ministry and they could all have a laugh. There was a betting pool on what part of the body I'd eat first." She felt her lips tremble. "Bill's like me, so he taught me a few tips on how to control the wolf in my head. How to get through the moon. And we kept contact, but I didn't want to see anyone. Because... every time I saw someone, I knew they saw what those men saw. They saw the monster. They know who I am. The Prophet ran an article on the pretty Gryffindor attacked by Greyback and is now scarred and ruined."

"But... you can sue," Seamus insisted. "Take the Ministry for every penny they have."

"Attacking the Ministry is an Azkaban sentence, now," Lavender snorted. She wiped at her eyes. "Those Death Eater camps? Everyone voted for them, because to not vote for them was a sentence. And Harry couldn't do anything to speak out against it, because the Ministry wouldn't let him. Even Lovegood's father was jailed for speaking out against it." She rolled her eyes. "Besides, who would win? Me? Or the perfectly normal wizards that did this?"

"But they... they walked you around the castle on a leash!" Seamus cried. "They shocked you!"

"Madame Pomfrey at least convinced them that doing it naked, like they originally wanted, would infect my wounds," Lavender muttered bitterly, the tears welling up again. "Madame Pomfrey tried to hard to convince them to leave me alone, even Professor McGonagall, but they wouldn't listen. And the staff couldn't do anything... Because they're Ministry workers."

"It's barbaric," Seamus stressed. "What they did to you should have landed them in Azkaban."

"But I'm a werewolf, so they were just fired," Lavender returned.

Seamus seemed overwhelmed. "I wish you would have told me. Or someone... I wish you would have let me kill them."

"I don't want you in Azkaban," Lavender murmured. The tears finally leaked over a second time and Seamus hugged her tightly, in one of his loving, all encompassing hugs he gave in the Gryffindor Common Room years ago. Before the war. "You're my best friend. And I love you so much, Seamus."

"Merlin, Lav, I love you like you're my second heart," Seamus murmured. "You're a beautiful girl, and you are worth a thousand of them, and tens of thousands of any scumbag that tells you different." Why was Seamus so sweet? He was so perfect. Maybe he and Millicent would get along perfectly. "Promise me you won't lose contact with me again, alright? Promise?"

Lavender nodded, unable to answer as her face was smothered in his chest.

"And if anyone hurts you, including Zabini, I want the next owl out. Even if it's just a look. I'll take care of them. Though I should probably start working out again, if that's the case. Because I've been letting myself go." She felt a giggle rise in her and Seamus relaxed slightly hearing it. "I'll always be there for you."

It was exactly what she needed to hear. He would be there, always. And she would always be there for him.

"Now, I have a wife waiting, and two kids to pick up," Seamus chuckled onto her forehead as he pulled away, giving it a warm kiss. "Connor, Erin! Time to go."

The two kids groaned and Lavender pulled away from Seamus's embrace, wiping at her eyes. She probably looked a right mess, now. Her eyes had to be all puffy and swollen. "Elisabette and Rose, you too."

The girls sighed, but moved towards the two teens as well. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lav," Seamus said quietly.

"Goodnight," Lavender returned and he gave a nod, his hand resting on Connor's shoulder as he guided the kid through the door. Lavender saw Rose, Elisabette, and Erin follow. But she stood there for a moment, glancing up to see the waning moon in the sky.

_Monster._

She shut the glass door behind her, the warm home a contrast against the Scottish highlands, and she noted that Seamus and Millicent were saying goodbye to Zabini at the front door and then the door shut. And the house was silent, save for the girls giggling in the bathroom upstairs as they washed before bed.

"Are you alright?" Zabini asked from across the room.

Was she? Her heart was beating fast. And her breath was quick. "No." The honest answer was better than the other. "Do you remember me mentioning experiments?" she asked. Seamus had restored some bravery in her. She glanced up, not knowing if she could trust him. If she told him, and he judged her for the rest of her life... Lavender couldn't live with him. But if she told him, and he reacted well... maybe it would be the start to a friendship.

"Yeah, that the Ministry did on you."

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and Zabini was walking towards her, his posture a bit stiff. She lifted her gaze as he stood a few feet away from her, and met his eyes. They were dark, glistening in the firelight. "Would you like to know what they did? It's only fair. You told me what they did to you."

Blaise hesitated, watching her like she would give him some answer. Would she? Lavender wasn't sure. The red in her eyes probably gave him some clue, however. "Is it awful?"

Lavender dropped her gaze, nodding. "Like I said, it makes those camps sound like fun."

"And I told you that you were wrong." And maybe it felt like that to him. Maybe it was not as bad as it had seemed. Because experiencing it and hearing it were entirely different things. "Well, implied it."

"Yeah, I'd like to know, if you're comfortable with telling me." She had to be. Because a few hours from now, her courage would be gone. So, she sat down on the sofa where she had been sitting when the others were over, and Blaise sat back in his chair. Lavender took a deep breath, before she told him everything, just as she had told Seamus.

They were married now. It meant knowing each other's secrets.


End file.
